H.M. Reynolds, hmrwrites

How Best to Stage a Breakdown

No longer hear the noise before the alarm that tells me I’m about to wake up.

Warns me that the fantasy stops here and it’s time to start again.

Tells me to stop and prepare for fresh hell.

 

 

 

I had this old clock radio with

the loudest alarm and

I had to rush to it every morning

before it went on long enough for my dad to hear it because

I woke up too early for his sleep but

the alarm made a noise before the alarm noise that

always woke me up

 

and then I started hearing it in everyday life

in painful situations and

I was waiting to wake up

 

then I’d hear it during panic attacks and realise

I wasn’t going to wake up

because just as that noise bridged the gap between

sleep and wake it also bridged the gap between

mind and reality

that noise didn’t get me out of bed

I actually had to do that myself

 

that noise is not my cue to hang around and

wait for the alarm but the indication that

I need to change direction and

re-start my thinking need to get up and

out of it before my dad wakes up

 

I told a therapist once that

I hear this noise and she told me to

stop being dramatic

and silly

and went on to suggest that

an adult dose of prozac was

a good form of treatment to gift a fifteen year old

 

Thank you for the drugs. Thank you very much. I’m sorry I didn’t

Quite finish off the job.

Comments3

  • sylviasearcher

    Sounds like a fascinating start.

    We should compare notes... I’ve just finished the first draft of a novel on a similar theme

    • H.M. Reynolds, hmrwrites

      Thank you so much!

      And yes that sounds amazing, I'd love to do that. Feel free to be in touch :)

    • ANGELA & BRIAN

      BRIAN here ~ Good evening FRIEND ~ Welcome to MPS ~ it is an empathetic site and it functions by reading & commenting on each other POEMS ! I am in the UK (Essex) and my Fiancee ANGELA is in New Zealand on a Work Exchange Programe since June 2018 ~ she is coming home in OCTOBER. The distance & cost means I have only visited twice. The separation could have driven us CRAZY ! I am a SCIENTIST and I have worked with People ~ bordering on the MAD & some who acted MAD to get attention. There was a RAF Officer encarcerated in Stalag Luft 13 who pretended to be MAD to get shipped back to the UK on compassionate Grounds. The Germans sent him HOME unfortunately when he got Home he was found to be irreversibly MAD ! When I saw the film I stopped pretending to be a Mad Scientist ! Your poem rings true in respect of some of my Friends (I am 36) who have had breakdowns ~ especialy those who have been in the Military ! Your poem is excellent and has a *Ring of Truth* Thanks for sharing ! Incidently when I am playing (or acting) the Mad Scienist I always speak in (broken) German ~ is there an explanation for this ?

      Blessings & Peace
      Your BRIAN 💙 & ANGELA 🧡
      Please check our site ~ Thanks B & A !

      • H.M. Reynolds, hmrwrites

        Thank you so much for your kindness. It is lovely to connect with you both on here.

      • LAWLESS

        A notchy start that leaves me curious.



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