Jealous

Why can't I have what they have? 

Those I'm jealous of.

Those my heart envies beyond its deepest core. 

In my mind, I can see how they all look at each other,

How they interact. 

The way they move without moving at all. 

With only their hearts guiding them. 

Why can't I have what they have?

Each scene playing in my mind, 

Wrenching my heart

Until it's twisted beyond recognition. 

I know, 

It's not real. 

It never will be real. 

But it feels real. 

To me, 

It's real. 

The tears are real.

And when I look up, after all the hours,

My eyes have to readjust. 

Take a minute or 5 to clear my head

and calm my soul. 

And when I go to bed, 

I think about them. 

I think about all of the things that will never be. 

To have more than love. 

To have a husband/wife, a life partner, a mate, a king/queen, 

An equal.

Two souls intertwined far beyond a lifetime.

That lasts far beyond death.

And my heart cries. 

It weeps and sobs at my reality. 

And when I sleep, 

It sends me dreams of my own happy ever after. 

My own kingdom of endless love.

Until I wake up and cherish the moments I spent dancing with a masked prince. 

Again and again. 

Until my eyes are permanently jaded and glazed in jealousy. 

Wondering, 

Why I can't I have what they have?