Still waiting for Guts

I'm still waiting for the truth. Wasting time believing in a shoulder pat, a good vibe and some coffee to calm my nerves.
I'm still waiting for a real shut down. Back up song to go along with this walk of shame. I'm tired of the tootie fruity conversation you call "reassurance insurance".
Too many times, I've been giving the "it's alright, dont worry about it" chant. So many times I've messed up, only to receive sugar coated grace. I'm starting to get upset with kindness.
I need the upfront. The dagger in the heart. I need to know where I'm headed for my wrongs, not where I can comfort the guilt. Test my willpower, not my sanity. I'm getting tired of the hero act.
Lifes like a jump rope...up and down. I get it. However if I'm not going to go up anytime soon, best believe I'll take the ride of reality. Hugs are pointless. Encouragement is faulty. I'm dying for the strict, harsh truth. Not this "butterflies and daisies" lifestyle no one ever lives.
Im still waiting for the honesty. The hole in the floor i need to fall through. Give a door to open, but make me search for the key. I think I'm old enough to suffer for a bit. I've done it before, believe it or not. Kill em with kindness is sick. Bitter truth though? I'll take a glass for the road.
I'm still waiting for guts. Even if it means to let me suffer in peace. So be it. However dont come at me with kindness, for I'll repent with no sympathy. I'm still waiting for that push back. Right into the realm of reality. Just to once again, find the motivation to prove myself right.