Two years later

Two years ago I published the first poem

Two year's ago learned I could put my thoughts into paper

Thoughts that up too that point were the reason I feared waking up in the morning

Because just like every other teen in the world I felt that relying in others was the sin I couldn't come back from

That others need to rely on me to make me feel worth it

So these thoughts

These horrid thoughts were crashing around and around till one morning I start doing my poetry homework

This assignment was published in my teachers school paper

My thoughts were real and people could finally understand what I was sayiing to them in voice but on paper now

One year ago I stopped making poems

One year ago I had made a break through

I had finally coming back to reality and was sleeping at night

I still wrote everyday but I didn't need to publish

Everything was going right

I had friends who made me feel wanted and not needed

I was exeling in school

I was single once again

I was heard and didn't need a poem to explain my thoughts

Today I'm afraid

Today I am struggling with this soul that should be mine

I am back to square one

My school work is behind

My friends need me for mental guidance

My job which I should be happy about because they want me to be a manager is pushing me to near hospitalization

I have no clue what I want to do with my life

Adulthood is coming fast and I can't seem to see the bulit

My ability to make myself feel a stab or gunshot as if it were real is as haunting as the wound would be

I don't want to let people down, but I can't process what's in front of me

My thoughts are back

My thoughts are back

Two years ago I found my voice

Today I have to find it again