Memories of Canberra

O what a lovely town is Canberra in ACT
I like it very much indeed, that's very plain to see;
Even though it's a sodding dreary place for one and all
And here's a tragic tale I feel I really must recall.

I was visiting there with my one-legged Uncle Fred
When some tourists came and hit him on the head;
Why did they do it, why did they cause his pointless death?
Maybe they simply could not bear his horrid putrid breath.

But, post-mortem, I swiftly delved into his bulging pocket
And extracted fifty dollars and (with a cry of "f*ck it")
I found evidence in his wallet somewhat negative:
Fred was a raging poof and registered AIDS positive.

But I stand by Uncle Fred and miss him so awfully much:
In my mind he will always be semi-bald and very butch;
At his funeral I recall words spoken by someone or other:
"He was a pervert but still he was my fucking brother".

And whenever I revisit this drear Australian dump
I cannot help remembering (as I try and force a lump
of concentrated turd into an overflowing Aussie dunny)
That anything about Canberra really is quite fucking funny.