Thoughts of a Grown Child

Sometimes I wish my parents were happy and they stayed together

My dad wants me to never forget his pain and how it hit

He feels that time was lost

If it’s any consolation I know who daddy is

Daddy’s baby knows that he loves his kids

Sometimes I wish my mama saw what I see

There are no words for the strength that I witness

There is not a price for the love I have been given

Mommy had so many fears but smelt fearless

Mommy fought for her babies, love is her most life threatening illness

Sometimes I wish I was more outgoing when I was in school

I waited for the last minute to be socially involved

My biggest issue was the hatred I had in my heart

I hated the facades that were so meaningless

Actually looking back I’m glad I stayed in my corner

Sometimes I wish I could find my way back to that corner and focus on my art

Sometimes I wish I didn’t sacrafrice my desires and put others higher

Like that one time I stayed with a boy who made me miserable just because he took a bullet to the ass

Or the countless friendships that just ended up with a dagger to my back

There were a few times I let this get the best of me

But I still love to love and I’ll leave those memories in the  past

Because whats yet to come is my greatest present you see.

Sometimes I wish my brother never left me

I was his timid shadow

He always pushed me to do my best

I’m a little lost without him sometimes but he had to move on to what was next

Peace doesn’t always remain life brings changes things can never stay the same

Sometimes I wish I did more for Simeon

I have to realize I did everything I could

The psyche is a delicate place

This is one I’ll never take off my list

My friend I wish you were still here

He took all my secrets to the grave

Every thought of you makes my heart cave

I’ve been told I’m a hard shell to crack

that’s not true

Just like you, I have demons scratching at my back

I’ll do anything to avoid the exposure of my deepening sadness

Sometimes I wish I didn’t know the things that I’ve discovered year by year

Sometimes I wish I could rid all my fears

A desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable

Wishes are there to waste my time

Lost in my head I’m losing my mind

Wishes take over my body like a paralyzing drug

My wishes allow me to reconnect to the lost child that still lives in my head

I have troubles putting that child to bed