Sincere torment

My eyes are squeezed shut begging for a beautiful awakening 

I want to wake up in the bed i spent most of my years.

My strongest desire is to cancel out the memories constantly replaying in my head

Often times i stumble between if I'm really suited for living among the living rather than the dead

The cost of friendship never seemed like a difficult purchase

Until he left my side without hesitation

Better yet, when he took his own life for what I only could assume was in vain

I can't tell what hurt more his choice or my immediate reaction

I told him to not be a drama queen, and now he's dead

My strongest desire is to believe that things would have ended up better if I was at the other end of that blade

There wasn't a wound he wouldn't mend, there wasn't a dream he wouldn't support

I told him to not be a drama queen, and now he's dead

these words just keep repeating in my head. 

He would have never said that to me no matter how petty the cry might seem.

I would like to call this life's biggest lesson 

But I don't want to call it anything because then that would mean that this isn't a dream 

If I could trade my last breath to give you a million more

would you forgive me?