Shame, Guilt, Hate

I pray to God for salvation, but hope to burn in hell for how I hurt her so

As I fall further, I fall into greater comfort as I deserve the woe

My heart and breathing stop when her radiant beauty I see

For in it, I behold the darkest, ugliest sides of me

In horror, I watched the light fade away

I felt drained as my colors turned to gray

I boiled hot as I felt my blood evaporate

To be replaced by raging shame, guilt and self-hate

At first, I fought for the light, for my colors, for my blood, but I surrendered as I accepted the need

To fall into the chaotic darkness for vengeance against my deed

So now, before the dark and pain, punishment for my sin,

With arms and heart wide open, I welcome it in

Shame, let it burn as it causes physical pain to show my face

I thank God I cannot find in my own bed escape from the disgrace

Guilt, pull me down, stop me from achieving all I can

Let me never again be proud of who I am

Hate, in agonizing misery lead me slowly to death and drag me into hell

Whisper in my ear, “Her life is better without you” so no matter how hard I try to escape, in you I will always dwell

Shame, guilt and self-hate, keep me from love so cause pain I will no more

Keep me fighting for the light, for my colors, for my blood, but keep dragging me down so I can never win the war

I pray to God for salvation, but hope to burn in hell for how I hurt her so

As I fall further, I fall into greater comfort as I deserve the woe

My heart and breathing stop when her radiant beauty I see

For in it, I behold the darkest, ugliest sides of me