Broken Legs

I can’t ask you to stay, but I don’t want you to leave

I know I lost your trust, but don’t know what I did to hurt, can’t we just talk about what you perceive? 

I never meant to do anything to deceive 

Is it too late, is there nothing I can say or do that would make you believe?

But she shuts the door, I fall down

And with the emotions, my heart begins to abound

I roll and thrash on the floor, reach for a bottle to drown

And drive away the knowledge that I will never not push everyone to the ground

I am not tired, but I do my best to not be awake

So I don’t have to feel the ache

Of my incapability to escape

Thinking about my unforgivable mistake

I fight recovery because I deserve and thrive on the darkness in my heart and chaos in my head

I want to be alive, but I want to live in pain, but I don’t want to be dead

The war on the inside being over, I dread

For the rest of my life, I want to be on an agonizing deathbed

As the pain becomes too little for me to weep,

I seek out something that will push me back into the deep

So I climb on top of the hill and look down the steep

I grin, I crouch, I leap