Lutalican

Transcendence (Poetical Version): Part 1

Part 1:

 

A few days ago

My mom sent a picture

Of a letter I wrote

At 8 and half years old

Tears filled my eyes as I thought about

How her heart must’ve broke

The first time she read that note

 

While other girls and boys

Were writing to Santa about wanted toys

I asked for winter clothes

Even tho I had a choice

I choose not to voice the way I felt

To a mother who was already overwhelmed

Paying bills and buying food

was priority for the wealth

I dealt the only way a kid knew how

Asking someone else to help out

 

Reading that letter

Made me remanence again

So I took out a paper and pen

and began a journey within

What follows bellow

Is the story of my Transcendence

 

As of lately I have begun to realize

That none with whom I socialize

Can rationalize who I personify

Even with eyes upon mine

They can not see what lies

Behind my guise

Or the truth behind my lies

Unfathomable are my roots

So far away from where theirs grew

Unrelatable is my childhood

To those raised above the poverty line

Unrecognizable is the pain

The truth of what I’ve been through

Since it has never been in their view

Unless you count the time or two

A bad neighborhood they drove through

It’s time I climb out of my  disguise

And give words to this life fate drew

 

Shaped metamorphically

By the abundant weight of pain

My virility was gained

Like a diamond from coal

My form I was forced to change

Immense was the pressure

Upon my shoulders as a youth

Known me only as I am today

The majority of people

With whom my time is centered

Around these days

Acquaintances, friends, coworkers, lovers too

Only a few had the pleasure

Of seeing me crushed in two

From a broken spirit developed a treasure

Soulful wisdom beyond my age

Most never got to see what happened backstage

Humbled by the world these moments ranged

 

I remember a time

That sends a cringe down my spine

My peers and I

All in financial situations less than ideal

Where forced to climb out

From the masks we hid behind

When we were given backpacks

Full of supplies and clothes

I still get flashbacks

Of us making wisecracks

Trying to play off those knickknacks

As something less than real

 

The way I felt

Continues to haunt me randomly

In the middle of lunch

In front of the entire student body

Is where we received these gifts of charity

Some of my friends immediately

Threw their bags away

As if to convey deniability

To the instability of their families

 

But no matter how many jokes were played

Or lies were laid

We couldn’t brush away

We couldn’t cover up

We couldn’t hide

The shame or embarrassment in our eyes

As our real world troubles leaked out

And spewed into the place

Meant to be our escape

 

Everyday was putting on an act

Pretending it wasn’t a fact

That we were wracked with stress

Or attacked by fears

That far outweighed anything

Our peers were feeling when they

Would go home at the end of the day

Some of us didn’t have heat or food to eat

Some didn’t even have a stable place to sleep

Their own bed to rest their feet

To lay their head to find some relief

From their stresses within a dream

Or a house where they were beat

A home not full of love but with

Intoxicated alcoholic violence

The mistreatment of an addictive parent

That made my domestic situation

Look like it was sent from heaven

 

Yes I knew then and I know now

That many have had it worse than I’ll ever know how

T o understand or comprehend

Some of my friends, my classmates

Others in the county, others in the state

Humans of every age and race

Had it way worse than I did

I call attention to that loudly

I don’t speak profoundly

Out of arrogance or ignorance 

As I am not blind to the fact that

Even in the worst when times were lousy

My circumstances were deliverance

To others who were suffering

 

So I am only here to atone for my pain

and my pain alone

When the world is collapsing around you

Your only focus is on the hell you’re walking through

So as I kid I walked amongst the flames

And even though I came out burned

I also stood changed

 

With the pain came love,

With that love came happiness

To this transformation I can attest



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