Mindfuck

Every waking moment

I'm a mirror of my former self

A ghost shell, plagued with a river of doubt

Breathing in and breathing out

The thoughts are loud and I can't drown them out

This is the worst I've ever been

Even been praying

Caged in an ocean of silence

Paranoid, a ship destroyed, I entered the void

I am a toy in the hands of time

The constant fear is my main complaint

I'm not the same person I used to be

Don't know why this is happening to me

Chronic pain folds and crawls around my body

Looking for a secret place to hide and rest

I feel pain in places I didn't know pain could exist

Now I've went and blocked out the dripping crystal sunlight

I sit awake and alone at night

With nothing but the torture on my mind

The only thing that's keeping me going is the vital will

Daily life is like a chore

Now I've closed the book, polished my shoes

In my hand I hold a burning cigarette

I've made a pin up out of it

Like Betty Paige

Sparkling like jelly matter in the brain

In the realistic dream I died

Overwhelmed by the shiny thought of death

I come to the surface and breathe

My mind is always playing tricks on me

It makes me feel like I'm nugatory

With nothing to do

The feeling is stirring in my gut

Thinner than water

Staring at the walls

Night time thinking in isolation

I'm compulsive, obsessive, depressive

Always jumping to conclusions

Trying to be receptive

Life is terribly hard, but I'm trying

Trying to get things under control

Trying to get a hold of myself

Putting myself back together

With glue and stitches

Feeling like dirty dishes in the sink

Unable to write

I am an accident, bound to the feeling

I feel like a complete fuck-up

The growing paranoia is a mindfuck

I'm bent over with anxiety

Just had an epiphany

Hour by hour I'm a cool breeze

Lucky if I had five hours of sleep

Can't help but be pedantic

The spark has gone

Gone like the sangfroid

The night is as final as an ultimatum

It washed away like blood

I've gave up the drug

A relative of last year, a time before

I crashed with a mighty thud

Into the decor

Refused the pills, repulsed by them

Swallowing Hell in my darkest moment

I'm hellbent on living

Serpentine, like sugar, I want more

I rage on, bending like aluminium

Like olive skin

Body full of acetaminophen

I refused to take the Amitriptyline

I refused it, the solution, the prescription

A letter arrived in my name this morning

I frayed like an edge                                                                                                 

Followed the blueprint, cream tonic                                                                                 

Had lost my appetite and I got sidetracked                                                                       

Stayed up all night and slept through the day                                                                           

The truth goes down like fine, neat whiskey                                                                     

Like a song by Johnny Cash                                                                                                   

It's easy to get sidetracked like the Lorax                                                                                                                             

Potatoes will suffice                                                                                                                         

Tears filled my eyes and I had to cry                                                                               

I'm melodramatic like a stomach                                                                             

Salivating like a dog.