Cherry Petals

My heart is now a fort hole

I've filled with new reasons

Excuses with freedom

I regret all the pretty thoughtless decisions I've made

In wine cellar darkness

I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

Mirroring yesterday in solitude

Praying for tomorrow

Like liquor like mania

I've been doing somersaults

In the charnel house

Opened my mind, I let the thoughts out

Released them like king poison

A blood condiment

My white blood cells are doing overtime

Caught in a dream sequence

I miss the spray of his aftershave

The stubble on his chin

Went out in flames and a whim

I am an ocean of thoughts

Complaining like a bitch

I sizzle like a burnt chip

Seen some shit I wish I never did

Four days later I haven't moved

Been trying to erase 241 injuries

A state of emergency has been declared

Post surgery I awoke on X day

In tears, haunted by my fears

Counting off heartbeats

At the hotspot

Poles shift like hairs split

Crying is the last resort

Rain wets the parking lot

At midnight

I am intelligent with common sense

Walking the wet streets

I follow the glassy moonlight

Time is standing still

I see my mother in myself, at moments

I'm alive with the morning sunshine

I'm alive with the clouds in the sky

Wanting to do it

Making it through it

My body aches from pain

Turning rust into gold

In the starring role

Listening to Water Music by Händel                                                                                           

At 5 a.m.                                                                                                                                 

I measured the wrist                                                                                                             

Got an unhealthy relationship with myself                                                                                                                                             

Constantly worried about my health                                                                                         

I fell like cherry petals                                                                                                     

Picking up the pieces, bittersweet memories                                                                               

This is not the way it's meant to be                                                                                     

Can't help but feel gutted                                                                                             

Snapped like willow branches                                                                                                                                                                 

Peeling oranges.