Faceless Narcissist

A Boy With Roses

Been consumed

biting down on experimentalism

and studying arts,

but not denying I'm feeling like wasted poetry,

and also in the process of discovering my nocturnal philosophy

analysing internal truths

and erasing what I gather to be blatant falsehoods -

I am a primitive being

and deliberately conscious

of the science surrounding my psychology,

but very unpredictable and intentional

much like the weather

always reflecting on hope and fear

and the multitude of realism I dwell on 

 

so often ~~

I am perplexed

by the constant dilemma of mundane living

& plagued with the never-ending nightmare

of death and the inevitable,

to the xtreme point

that the very thoughts have overwhelmed my soul

in a kind of religious way,

and I transcend everything else completely

but I believe in the concept of the future,

the prospect of change, and being willing

So much so that this belief has diffused like seasmoke

and it's beyond my control

like a red shark mouth in dark waters,

which has infected my domestic life

So we now live                                                                                                             

symbiotically unhappy like an addict                                                                                     

and I've to accept the silver linings like growing wisdom                                                             

even the hypothetical(s) and the endless variables,                                                                           

and hope instead of succumbing to the fear I dread                                                     

I comprehend                                                                                                                   

and I've made as much sense as I can of it                                                                       

now. 

  • Author: Jordan Cash (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 20th, 2020 18:00
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 25
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Comments +

Comments1

  • jarcher54

    You've done a nice job of describing those complex, perplexing emotion-thoughts that are--must be--what those with a religious belief experience. Working out one's own synthesis of all the overwhelming data... pain, loss, hope, success, fear, the big shadows like death, the small things like mundane pleasures and chores, that "nocturnal philosophy" that fills one's head late at night, staring at the ceiling in bed or wandering the deserted streets. Growing wisdom is what we hope we are experiencing, but you nailed it with "symbiotically unhappy like an addict." Your thoughts are your deepest pleasure, yet they are your worst habit. I bet I will have trouble sleeping tonight. PS Hope you are recovered from your recent mishap.

    • A Boy With Roses

      ♥♥♥

      Meant to respond to your last comment on the 14th on my poem Purple but thought that so many days had passed since I had published it, and I had to wait a week before I could get wifi again since the fire had melted the wires. Also, I don\\\'t like to post on here using my iphone. But I\\\'m okay now except from the fact I\\\'m paranoid to sleep at night. Although I\\\'m back in my house and I\\\'ve re-painted and decorated. Thankfully I didn\\\'t lose too much from the fire itself, but more from smoke damage and the soot. Anyway it wasn\\\'t a lame concern since the first thing I done after I called 999 was pack my most valuable possessions and electronic devices into a suitcase which I took with me, and that included the laptop which contains most of my poems, and several handwritten collections (which was one of my main priorities). LOL, call me vain but I have six years worth of poetry amounting to thousands, which would have been ......... if I had lost it. Likewise, hope you're well and get a good night sleep.
      :))))



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