out for lunch

my eyes are glazed over

when you look at me

and try to see me

my eyes are fixed on spires

that look edible

ed ible

i spell it out in my head

loudly

while you speak to me

about your dogs

or the things you did last week

i look down at an empty bowl

and suddenly i am taking up too much room

i feel my stomach pressing against my chest

the edibleness eager to get out

thats when i slip away

to cleanse myself

but it doesn’t work

and i fall down

a mess on the bathroom floor

smudged mascara and so much fear

but somehow i come to

i get back up

i resurrect this way all the time

and then my body is at the table

but i think my soul is lagging

and you look at me again

and see the glaze over my eyes

and you dont see anything at all

so we carry on just fine

in the same world where a part of me just died

and its so hard to keep myself together these days

when im so broken inside