when they ask me why i cannot clean the home that you invaded

when you broke into my home it no longer felt like mine

so when you left it felt hallow like roses without its vines

I cant even have guests in without feeling sick

I lose sleep after the first date

I lose track of time

hours turn to days that soon turn to months

what is the point of watching time when I did it with you.

I lose my appetite

so when someone asks "when did you eat last?"

I have to stop and think

and when I force myself to eat

my stomach crawls back up my throat and strangles my tongue

for eating the food it did not want in the first place.

I forget to breathe

so every night my bedroom becomes empty halls

and my panic attack forces the screams from my body that echo on every wall

every lover I try to find after you 

makes me long for you even more

because their touch is not yours nor is their kiss

I close my eyes and try to form pictures in my mind until they are no longer they

they are you

and I am so tired of feeling this way

of explaining myself when people ask

"why can you not clean the home that he invaded?"

because it was you who made my house into a home.


  • dusk arising

    Very emotive writing. When a huge chunk of our life is taken away we cannot help but stumble into a bleak future....
    . ..... where one day hope may rescue us.

    Please see my poem wild horses about a similar loss.

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