Take One.
Take one from a pair and trauma arises,
ocean buckles,
sunset ices,
waiting grows fists and memory sighs.
Take one from a duo and lost are smiles,
lonely ungloves,
solo arrives,
life loses bliss and future demises.
Take one from two and sorrow tightens
love uncouples,
oneness frightens,
lips stay un-kissed and distress climbs.
Take one from other and spoil an item
parting troubles,
nothing revives,
sudden grief hits with no compromise.
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Author:
Fay Slimm. (
Offline) - Published: September 28th, 2020 02:05
- Comment from author about the poem: Back by request this write on what sudden loss leaves behind. Hope you see through the imagery used.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 24
Offline)
Comments7
A fine write Fay. I will 'take one'read, and 'take two' in fact, by reading this twice!
Many thanks for your visit and comment dear Orchi.
sadder than sad and truly felt ..
the title could not be bettered and introduces this poem filled with a sense of more than just loss but of grief and associated anguish ..
Neville
Good you were able to feel the aloneness which metaphor tried to describe - in this lament Nev. - - sad but true the anguish when soul-mates are parted - - at least I think that's what it could be like - -thank you immensely for all your in-put to my humble poeming..............x
Some things are meant to be in pairs, people too, especially lovers are paired and often times resemble one entity. When one is lost or removed the other is completely at sea. No one can measure the "grief," because it is personal and everyone is different.
Your poem has shown all these elements and more. It rings of the sorrow of separation. It is beautifully composed - Phil A.
Ah - grateful thanks Phil for your time reading Take One and for sensing the message of anguish and grief that such partners must feel when parted by death - - sad but such loss needed expressing and glad you liked the rhymed composition.
Good Evening FAY - ANGELA here ! Even in my short (32) years of Life - I have seen scenarios which reflect the Angst in each verse of your excellent Poem ! Trauma arises, smiles cease, sorrows tighten & nothing reviives ! It can be death or like Goldfinch & Joyce - Dementia. It can be Separation or Divorce. Since Brian & I Married six Months ago we have gradually morphed into ONE BEING shared equally between two Bodies ~ AWESOME ! It would be like an AMPUTATION if anything happened to either of & I know BRIAN feels the same ! Thats the Agony & Ecstasy of LOVE !
Blessings & Joy & Peace & Love
Angela - Brian & Smokey 💛💛💛
A perceptive and very engaging comment on Take One dear Angela and thank you masses for your experience of what being as one has meant to your life during the passing six months - loss of this kind of union would surely be like amputation and thanks for sharing your thoughts on such aftermath.
So very true Fay, I am aware of this so very much.
Andy
Yes I am sure that it true of you Andy my friend - - your awareness of each line would echo deep loss - so my grateful thanks for your read and comment on Take One - - - -
My Dear Fay,
Wow...so vivid!
Your deliberate and well chosen scripted words and pic intensify one’s innermost feelings...
the feelings of loss and sadness when ‘one from a duo’ is taken.
A truly par excellence write.
Laura🌻
Humble thanks Laura for this generous comment on Take One - I wanted the feeling of aloneness to affect the feelings of readers and pleased you saw its metaphored message.
Sudden loss runs rampant upon these COVID-19 times! Not necessarily a coupling , but loss of friends, family, even pets ran over and hit!
Well scripted metaphors
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