Notice of absence from Doggerel Dave
Not absent - still here!
Keep Calm and Carry On Poeming. 😂
Not absent - still here!
Keep Calm and Carry On Poeming. 😂
The sale will go ahead just four doors down;
A doubtful fate for the cottage it seems,
I bet the final bidder goes to town -
Still maybe they’ve found the home of their dreams:
Plenty of character though not vintage
Including rich green garden, neat courtyard;
But here’s Sydney, full of legal pillage -
‘Improvement’ is likely without regard.
Trees through my window hail me at breakfasts
All back grounded with ever changing sky;
Palms elegant, stately, tall as mainmasts
Set fair my journey into the day’s eye.
Of course those three palms were felled one morning:
Dissolved - the view I’d known for fifteen years.
This lessened life’s texture at day’s dawning
And my loss joined the surfeit of world cares.
Now I have nothing left but remembrance
As the palms aren’t there for the winds to play;
In the end there’s no choice but acceptance.
Well at least they’ve allowed the sky to stay.
-
Author:
Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: October 6th, 2020 23:51
- Comment from author about the poem: You saw it here first - shared with no one but close friend. Situates me - this is where I live at present.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 20
Offline)
Comments6
People change the views so often but you have the memories and you are right in saying the sky is still there, it may change but will never go away.
Welcome to MPS.
Thanks for the welcome - Now I know I've done something right with respect to the technology. Easy for some... Glad you, I think , appreciated this effort. One of my better ones. but from now on it's all down hill...
your last two stanzas are deceptively brilliant,
really like the tone and natural story telling rhythm you maintained throughout your write, you have a unique style to add to the multifaceted buffet that is MPS, just needs refining, which will inevitable come with practice and time,
wonderful write
Thanks again L.B. Refining where? - any hints will be gratefully received.
Great attitude, I wish I had your bravery.
As for refining, there are more qualified writers on MPS that can guide you better but I feel small details can make the difference in our writing, for example if you compare the abstract metaphorical subtlety in the 2nd line of last two stanzas, to the 2nd lines in the previous stanzas, you may see a difference in their tight form and elevated wordplay.
Personally, I find revising my writes over a period of time and while in different moods yields alternative ideas. Not sure if I was any help, but like I said refining will come naturally with time.
Well, thanks for taking the trouble, L.B. I'm trying to come to grips with your attempt to imbue my lines with the 'metaphorical subtlety' you mention. I don't usually enter into that realm, at least not consciously. As you will see from my further entries and the 'About me' piece of my profile I'm after plain language within the constraints of rhyme rhythm and line length. This one was a bit of an aberration, I think. However, I will ponder further - maybe you will send me off in a different direction. As for bravery - I don't think so. Criticism is always valuable. Without it I learn nothing. And I'll go with the revision over time thing. Full speed ahead....
Awesome!
I am waiting for my own sale to go through ... but felt obliged to leave all views as they were when the place was originally built in circa 1600 albeit some of the old oaks are much bigger now ...
What a resurrection! My first ever effort. Many thanks.
Stay and save the oaks, please. One of my favourite trees. But I think the culture in Olde England is more conservative (in its best possible connotation) than in Oz, where a mythical pioneering spirit is part of many who move to new parts - even within suburbia. "Renovate or detonate" a slogan used by some estate agents.
... I thought I might pop back for another viewing ... and yes .. it was worth it ..
Cheers, Neville
Probably entry after next, I'm about to do an update....watch that space.
Thanks though, Neville
Can identify with this on Dave. What was a palm covered field between me and the beach is now a row of houses. Oh well there goes the neighborhood.
Cheers Soren. Gave the result (end two added stanzas) here:
https://mypoeticside.com/show-poem-128936
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