I will return early January.
THE NIGHT MALE.
And once more that bloody tomcat has done for me again:
Another visitation bringing nostril tearing pain.
My front door covered with profusely applied pollution;
Concentrated vapours fill the house without dilution.
Because he’s got the hots for the moggy across the road,
This way he marks territory - it’s his warning in code.
And so he hopes to keep every other rival at bay
Whereas all I just want to do is send this rogue away.
I would like to hose the door right now but it’s well past ten;
The woman across the road is bound to call the cops then.
She holds tiresome grudges and I’m the focus of her ire;
My hint re her pet and the vet really unleashed her fire.
But there’s more to this than discomfort from a reeking smell
Undeniably this is also a message from hell.
Not just limits laid, this odour is an advisory
Of long nights completely broken by howling lechery.
I cannot care which lusty feline does the aria;
I must do something drastic, like move to Tasmania.
Although if some lateral thinking were brought into play
Then perhaps a more local response could just win the day:
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The decline of the circus is a modern phenomenon;
As a result I’ve acquired Neville, a tired old lion.
Nev now gets to lie on my verandah – with never a roar;
He’s inclined to grunt scratch and yawn a bit but covers my door.
The Council, Health, the R.S.P.C.A. the zoo and Police
All questioned me, but with randy ginger gone now I have peace.
Three joint meetings they’ve held, however without resolution,
So this may mean Neville provides a definite solution…..
-
Author:
Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: October 7th, 2020 06:21
- Comment from author about the poem: Oh how I've suffered .....If it's not cats it's a koel (small cuckoo with a terrible monotonous sound!
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 29
Offline)
Comments5
Glad you found a lionhearted solution to your problem Dave.
Andy
so witty, a wonderful read
You are both too kind, Andy and L.B. Only meant to amuse, although above the line is close to true.
Tomorrow a little different before I revert to foolery.
a little bird told me that he has neva yet failed to find a solution, all be it too late to do any good ....................
I'm glad Neville was a lion and not a centipede or sumfink š
Ahh Neville ā this wuz the second day, second entry to the messy mix that is MPS. It wasnāt ātil about halfway into my career here that is suddenly dawned on me that there wus a Neville here and Neville was the name I appropriated for my lion saviorā¦
What to do? I pondered this long and hard and after considering a name change, decided, as you generously point out, that a lion was not a bad image, stayed with itā¦..the only problem was the scratching, but Iām sure you could get that fixed with a visit to your friendly local dermatologistā¦ā¦ š
Postscript, apropos to other than your situation - Neville is my nephew, to whom, I understand I am godfather. Never spoken to him, donāt know where he isā¦Donāt ask!
This was truly an enjoyable read so well constructed that it flowed like the cat's spray. However, this spray filled me with joy not annoyance. It reminded me of my father who told me when he was small a neighbor had a pet lion that he shaved the mane off of and tried to pawn it off as a dog. It beat up all the dogs in the neighborhood.
Thanks for that, Soren. I never thought it would see the light of day again after all this time. Glad you enjoyed the lion (won't name him again out of respect for a brother poet here), as he was in my mind for sometime before he entered these pages. A response to the reality above the line.
a great fun true tail, š
I know you're not 'Lion' Āæ
Thanks for sharing š
much enjoyed!! š
Best regards āļø Thad
Thanks Thad.
Above line - 100% reality as it happened....
Below line - My fantasy consolation.
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