be-lie-ve

As temperatures drop for the year,

As decorations are brought out once more,

As radio stations play holly, jolly tunes,

A heavy weight is placed once more on me,

A question

Or few

Maybe more

Sending me to search for the answers

With a scavenger map given to me soon after birth

If there is a God

I’d like to ask him this, face-to-face

Why must I question my faith in 

What kind of afterlife I can believe in?

When I was younger,

He was a star, and he could see and hear everything

I grew a bit older,

He was still a star and a ghost that could occupy a room

I grew just a bit more

And now I don’t know

What he is

Where he is

Could I believe that if there is no business left on Earth after death it’s right to heaven or reincarnation,

Could I believe that he stayed behind regardless?

Could I believe he’s a star, the brightest in the sky?

Then doesn’t he go to the other side of the planet when we rotate?

So how many times have I spilled my ails to a satellite in the night sky,

Believing it was my father?

Could I believe in reincarnation but sentence him to stay on Earth after death?

If I’ve changed my mind, there is no reason or purpose left for him

Meaning he can not watch over me, 

Then how can I keep him tied to me?

Or is it too late to ask that when it’s been 16 years

Since he’s been tied to a life-filled body?

If my beliefs conflict with what I’ve always pictured his afterlife to be

Then what am I to believe?

Is it easier to just believe nothing at all?

.t.b.