I saw a shade of myself
Washed up and on the shelf. Spitting curses into a cup and hating myself for the bitter harvester I've become.
Plucking sour grapes, unripened off the vine. Making bitter wine with fruity tones of revenge and torment. A tang of might fallen on the tongue. Fresh, like something new to despise. A compliment to hard cheese and cold boiled rice.
Tomorrow's problems always yesterday's surprise.
An oversight, some blind spot in a view built from mud and air
Scattered here, patted there.
Not to stay, a relief, finding space where the wash of humanity doesn't disturb,
the struggle to claw above it all
Then to fade away no more,
immortal atoms stripped bare circling excitedly in the breeze.
Settling where new life breathes,
A leaf stirs with promise to reappear
-
Author:
RDS (
Offline) - Published: November 29th, 2020 08:44
- Comment from author about the poem: I rushed the end in an attempt to write a poem today. It began with last night's fragments, beer-fuelled comments I've tried to rearrange!
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 45
- User favorite of this poem: arobot.
Offline)
Comments6
The fuel of fantastic imagery makes this verse a delight to read though the subject be taken as true that beggers too have a feast of what ifs and regrets - - another feather in your cap of written
winners must be this one R.D..
Ah such kind praise from a real lexical artist thanks Fay. I'm just amending the ending if you fancy reading again!
J
You on that gin RDS?! Only if you go to Waitrose - not for 'common peasants'. lol. It's M&S who are tops in snobbery though. A newspaper slagged them off, took them down a peg or two.
A good write.
I only drink gin when I'm trying to recreate a sense of kissing. It's the amber nectar for me unil it becomes a real rum do. I take my filthy bike gear round all the best shops, tut at snobs, browsing, yes browsing the aisles like any of it is worthwhile.
Meanwhile...
They chucked you out of Waitrose or M&S yet. Filthy bike gear would be far too 'common' for them. lol.
I admit I don't like to make a floor messy, if someone has just cleaned it, e.g. going into Shopping Arcades on wet days.
It's not just any food - it's M&s food, ya know. Yes, and twice as expensive probably!
2 more comments
Yes - couldn't be bettered - such a kick of new breath in this amended end line my friend,
Thanks Fay, I probably brushed away the taste of stale booze between your views.
J
Your use of caesura has tied this poem up very beautifully! It takes me back to old Shakespeares play ‘king Lear’ and his protagonist Poor Old Tom who was a beggar in madness and deprivation and erratic thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the lovely feedback Samreen and a bit of structural education about these caesura, I write to my ear so very happy to learn what I'm doing. Glad you enjoyed it.
J
Powerful words RDS but as you fade away new life suddenly appears and you know that all will be well.
Andy
Thank you Andy, this begins and ends completely differently. My pen is always poised over dark or light lines, I often can't tell which will come out but it is sometimes a pleasant surprise to see how things matured at the end.
Stay creative my friend.
J
'Plucking sour grapes, unripened off the vine. Making bitter wine with fruity tones of revenge and torment. A tang of might fallen on the tongue. Fresh, like something new to despise. A compliment to hard cheese and cold boiled rice.'
a set of lines weaved with such insightfully raw self-introspection, inked so tantalisingly vivid I could taste the words on my tongue and they are not even my favourite lines of this write, what a finale last four lines to finish on,
Brilliant!
That is fine praise L. B.as your own evocative phrasing is something I greatly admire. Many thanks for the read and feedback my friend. Hopefully the next is better yet.
J
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