Aa Harvey

Black hole soul

Black hole soul

 

 

Head shrinking time, got to face up to my fears.

Still writing dark rhymes, like I have been for years.

Past my best yesterday, and I’m not even looking back.

Spent years in black holes; love is under attack.

 

 

Found a way to dispose of the feelings in my gut.

Still splintered thinking, so I lie down in my rut.

I’m home again and I’m breaking all my dreams.

Got pictures in photo albums and I’ve labelled them all ‘The Scream.’

 

 

Love is never coming my way and I’ve accepted this as fate.

Broken all my hearts I created since the very first date.

People think to themselves, I can’t live a lie like that.

They polluted my heart and soul, now they have faded to black.

 

 

Fingers press on buttons but there’s no signal to be found.

Lost articulation, when their love put me into the ground.

I’m alive inside this suicide and I’m not recognized as a great.

I have nothing left to try, but the fear I contemplate.

 

 

Once upon a dream there were wishes dancing by.

Now there is nothing and I’m staring at the black sky.

Your God never loved me, so I never loved him back.

I’m running in circles, but it’s really the hope that I lack.

 

 

Pandora stole my heart from me and replaced it with a brick.

Inside I am ripped apart, feeling nothing except for feeling sick.

In a world like this how did you expect me to survive?

I’ve learned my lesson’s but never reached the other side.

 

 

My black hole soul is no longer a picture of youth.

I lost my innocence, when I left it in you.

If I could say, then I would have said it long ago.

You broke me into pieces when you decided to go.

 

 

Now this life is just a memory, that I suffered through another time.

I wish I could have painted it pretty, but now that would be a lie.

It’s the pain that heals, but it never cures the sin.

I’ve written in symbol’s, but I’ve never been able to fit in.

 

 

If this hole will never heal, then how the Hell am I supposed to live?

You took every piece of me and more, when I had nothing left to give.

If this soul is truly shattered, then why the Hell did you give it to me?

I never wanted to be any more than I could have truly been.

 

 

I hate your lies and the feelings you convey.

You paint me a picture of a perfect day.

Love is just a lie that you use to get your way.

The truth is disfigured and puppet’s do as you say.

 

 

Your love is just a fantasy of what could have been ‘Her’,

And all the words you use are beginning to sound misheard.

I hear the lies and I wish I could turn deaf.

Now all I hope for is the road to my death.

 

 

This life I have, I’d give it away for a simple piece of truthful love.

This heart I hold, it’s fading away, I don’t think it will beat anymore.

Why can’t I find one soul who is honestly and truly good?

I’ve searched every inch of this Earth and all I found were more doors.

 

 

If life is black and no more colours do arrive,

Then how am I supposed to, supposed to have second sight?

If all is dark and the light has committed suicide,

Then how am I meant to, meant to look alive?

 

 

I’ve lived this life and I did the best I could.

It left me with war wounds, love bites, life sucks.

I’ve tried to live in the happy world but I exclaim,

There’s nothing out there!  Nothing but pain!

 

 

Your world has left with me nothing but more tears.

I don’t cry in joy now, because I’ve suffered for years.

This life has left me now, with nothing more.

If love is the riches, then why am I forever poor?

 

 

Can I not be another being in another world today?

If this is who I am, then why can’t I just put it all to an end?

Surely there has to somehow be a better way,

For me to live and love and not be condemned?

 

 

Black hole sun is shining down on me.

It leaves me to suffer for eternity.

I sit in silence, gun in hand, contemplating,

But this story has been told before and I am still, left with waiting.

 

 

Why can the end not begin and all others disappear?

Why can I not fall down alone, now nobody is near?

Why can I not hope for the end, is it because I could escape?

Why can I not face the end?  Is there really no way?

 

 

It’s getting dark in the recesses of my mind.

I’m slowly fading, running out of time.

My eyes are closed but I just can’t turn off my brain.

Please press the death button now and just send me away.

 

 

Clock strikes again, all I want to do is go to sleep.

My eyes are closed but I can’t help but take a peep.

Will somebody be there the next time I open my eyes?

It’s the hope that kills me, let the pendulum strike…

 

 

(C)2020 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Comments2

  • Jerry Reynolds

    Cheer up Aa. Have a Happy New Year.

  • L. B. Mek

    bleak be that outlook that nurtures that sweet spot between dulled indifference to life and the edges of Abyss to nullified existence...
    Seek no warmth if your blood 'chooses' to run smoother when nurtured by the cold of surrendered hope.
    Ignore us naïve fools who peddle all that Toxic Positivity and pity us, somewhat: for we dare not face that morose truth of despair, you have the bravery to walk within.
    But, dear brother I beg - may you never forget: even swimming in those deep pools of depression, you remain a child of 'CHOICE'!
    You 'choose' to be brave and not look away, to hide within normality's easy streets of conformity!
    You 'choose' to ink your pain, so that other's who feel the same may know: they are not alone!
    YOU CHOOSE: so choose, dear brother to Survive and sing that song for the broken hearted
    and we feeble few, who dare to meet you - even if only across a bandwidth of binary digits, promise to continue, listening as best we can,
    until you've sang your life's song, as only You Can, one brave breath at a time...
    Have the New Year you want, dear Poet!
    stay safe and colour the sky's blue with your swear words (it helps - sometimes),
    thanks for sharing!



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