Shall we together walk and live our dream?
Our love will be more deep along the way.
And life lived full of every morning beam
As summer days rapidly fly away.
The time is short; the clock is ticking slow
And often it’s the second hand that broke,
But every moment spent together shows
The kind of love is never dead—I spoke.
And all is true and valued so, indeed
And better things can come to us today.
The younglings come someday at lightning speed
And love is what is offered and play.
As long as we can dream and see ahead,
So let’s live this together not misled.
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Author:
rrodriguez (
Offline) - Published: January 7th, 2021 19:21
- Comment from author about the poem: This poem is my attempt at iambic pentameter sonnet.
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 43
Offline)
Comments3
Good go at a Shakespearean sonnet. Second line doesn't scan: suggest "Our love will be more deep along the way." Suggest "And often it's the second hand that broke". - "The kind of love is never dead—is oak.". Suggest "you spoke" or "I spoke" or something. - "youngling come somedays" - this makes no sense to me.
I try to make some meaningful response to poems on MyPoeticSide. Anything but "good write". You're more than welcome to tie into my poems.
Thank you for the suggestions. I will make the changes. The youngling are the grandchildren when they come to the house. I appreciate you taking the time to read my attempt at iambic pentameter sonnet.
Forgive this question, but, looking at your name - are you native in English? I wish I were native in Spanish poetry, because there's even more good poetry in Spanish in the 20th century than there is in English. Do NOT hand me even a small glass of wine in a book store poetry reading where I can lay hands on a copy of Federico García Lorca's Llanto por Ignacio Sánchez Mejías. I heard - I was in the room - Jorge Guillén read that poem out loud in 1957. Eran las cinco en punte de la tarde....
Yes, I'm from Puerto Rico. I write in both languages, however, I've written more poems in English. Federico García Lorca is indeed a great Spanish poet. From Latin America, we have Pablo Neruda and from Mexico Octavio Paz, 0h, and from Nicaragua, Ruben Dario, to mention a few.
You forgot Jorge Luis Borges! And Nicaraguan Ernesto Cardenal, just because I knew someone who knew him. - ¡And I know to call it Borínquen!
Poetry is a universal language, and I learn as many dialects of it as I can. I'm most proficient in German..
The last two lines say it all to me rr.
Andy
a laudable attempt, not merely in your execution but that openness to self-betterment you exemplify in your comments,
an enjoyable read, but that 3rd verse should introduce a solution or juxtaposing sentiment's, to the arguments laid out in verses 1 and 2, if you choose to follow this format of delivery for your poetic thought's,
thanks for sharing
Happy New Year
L. B. Mek, thank you for reading my first attempt at iambic pentameter. I'm more of a free verse writer. It took me all day just to put those lines together. Your comment that the 3rd verse should introduce a juxtaposing sentiment or as I was reading, a turning or shift from the previous two quatrains, is on point. The final couple should be the final judgment. I want to thank you for your comments.
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