She sat at the piano and played a sombre tune
Her pale body near translucent made so by the moon
Raven hair dropped forward, neck curved so she could see
Her dancing hands and fingers move across the keys
With loaded blood and heavy eyes I lay there as she played
Lost both in her beauty and the music I began to drift away
When the room fell silent, I opened up my eyes
There she knelt as I felt her hand take hold of mine
I opened up my arms as she folded into me
It was there we stayed where we lay sharing the same dream
-
Author:
Starman (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: January 10th, 2021 10:57
- Category: Love
- Views: 21
Offline)
Comments5
Because of the fairly formal diction of this poem, I'll note line 4: should be moved (tense of the other verbs in the poem).
The past tense of lie ('recline") is lay.
The two glories of wonder, music and love, within your words make it so wonderful.
Andy
Thanks for pointing out the mistake I made with lay Robert I will correct that Cheers. Going to leave the poem as it is it fell that way and I’m not to big on structure. Cheers
Thank you Andy you summed it up perfectly. Glad you enjoyed it.
'Her pale body near translucent made so by the moon',
wonderfully unique and vivid imagery you've utilised throughout your write, a really enjoyable read,
thanks for sharing
Thanks very much for your kind and encouraging words
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.