Life a series of rooms .
A room for fun and happy times
kept open for singing ,dancing and rymes.
There's one for sorrow , grief and pain ,
if only it couldn't be opened again .
One big room full of past and present ,
this room is busy filled with good and the unpleasant .
On to the future , this room is empty , nothing in it except space and infinity .
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Author:
oldmat (
Offline) - Published: January 27th, 2021 08:48
- Comment from author about the poem: One of my first attempts at poetry , any constructive comments would be welcome . Thankyou
- Category: Love
- Views: 31
Offline)
Comments7
Not qualified to teach, treat or critique you.
Enjoyed your poem. You might try breaking the
Lines at pain – present and empty.
Thank you, appreiciate the comments.
I've edited as you said . It reads a lot better thanks .
Welcome to MPS, oldmat! I like the reference to 'rooms'. Sometimes I feel as if I am living in just one big room where everything goes on at the same time!
Thank you for your comments and taking the time to read rooms .
I'm no professional poet either.
Good write oldmat. Yes, maybe break up some of the lines to be shorter lines.
Thank you for your help and encouraging words.
I join the others in saying I’m
No teacher. However I enjoyed the read
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time too read and make a comment . Thanks
Contribution from a pedant:
'On too the future' - try 'On to the future' for size. 'time to read'?
Interesting rooms.
Me too - I second the 'Welcome to MPS' motion above.
Thank you. I Will take on board your advice , its great to get feed back .
We each have rooms in our lives but we also have doors not yet opened and as we go into those rooms our life expands into more joy and love.
Welcome to MPS.
Thankyou for these lovely words. Also the kind welcome .
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