Great Expectations

Doggerel Dave


Unidentified this man must remain                  

And for reasons understandable and clear;     

Right now there is an element of shame         

About a matter he holds very dear.                  


You see many men can feel insecure               

When it comes to the err, relative length        

(about which they constantly feel unsure) 

Of their ah, penis, and also the width.


Now come all you merry ladies please say:  

So what difference does it make in the end?   

It’s not about the act it’s the foreplay,             

Liking someone on whom you can depend. 


But where is this headed you are asking?                 

Well this man wanted to right what was wrong;     

He didn’t believe it was his thinking:                      

Attributed his sorrow to his dong.                    


From Doctor Google he sought out a cure       

And advice flooded his screen in a rush.          

Eventually one was able to lure                        

A separation from his hard earned cash.         


This splendid offer managed to convince        

Significant enlargement overnight;                  

So therefore his problem would be solved since      

He had complete faith all would be made right.                


He waited a long time for his shopping,       

For his sizeable outlay to bear fruit;                 

Eventually in plain covered wrapping              

Salvation arrived in its safe brown suit.           


He opened his parcel without damage                         

In the hope all would be quickly revealed                    

And then encountered an inner package,                     

An instruction , the item still concealed.    


The company’s  policy of safety          

Was there evident, abundantly clear:                              

While the message was not at all racy,  

‘Do not use in sunlight’ induced some fear.


A puzzling kind of admonition

(In sunlight he would not expose this skin);  

It gave him a sense of trepidation                                    

As he unwrapped  the article within.                                


And at last the company’s solution:                                  

One of such ingenuity and class;                                      

The organization’s contribution:                                         

A large well polished magnifying glass!                              



  • Author: Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 26th, 2021 17:59
  • Comment from author about the poem: Ref newspaper item and web circa 2014.
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 70


  • Goldfinch60

    Do not use in sunlight is so right!


    • Doggerel Dave

      Thanks for your endorsement, Andy. A surprise - I didn't believe I'd get any.
      Definitely a highly ethical company.....

    • Doggerel Dave

      No Charlie I am not suggesting you need to ‘do some work on yourself’. That contraption looks particularly hazardous; you should take care that it doesn’t leave you hanging.

    • Fay Slimm.

      What a well-told tale about an unlengthy tail -- am still in a fit of the giggles at what the that male received.............. ha ha - a really great start to my day --

      • Doggerel Dave

        Ah Fay - Seems I totally misjudged my audience. I anticipated I would be completely ignored and condemned as a deviant, sent to the outer fringes of MPS. I'll have to try harder.....(don't ask....)

      • Doggerel Dave

        My abject apologies Mabel – it in no sense was it my intention to suggest by the use of the term ‘merry ‘ that you were inebriated all the time and especially that you had be drunk before entering into congress with your man.

      • germanamericanchurch

        Like it - Told like a riddle

      • Neville

        ............. Ooh err Matron .... ding bloomin dong .......................... 🙂

        • Doggerel Dave

          Caveat emptor.................? 🙂

        • Andy Hunter

          Kept me on the edge of my seat. Great rhyme, really enjoyed it.

        • sorenbarrett

          Truth in advertising. Buyer beware is the moto. This one made me smile and was well written in that my lack of trust in advertising led me to know something was coming but not sure what, I had to wait until the last line to get the full effect. Thanks for the fun.

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