Suicide

I saw my father suffer through the pancreatic cancer

I saw them bring a bed downstairs so he’d be comfortable

They made a makeshift toilet right inside the cellar door

He wouldn’t have to use the bathroom upstairs any more

 He passed away at 48, too young in my opinion

And I was only 14 then, too young to understand

My father being cheated out of all those useful years

And as for me I couldn’t tell you why there were no tears

I cannot tell you of his life, because I know so little

All I know is how the end of his life ruined mine

It brought me grief to last a lifetime, never ending pain

And why I can’t get past it all, I really can’t explain

It’s brought me to the darkest places like those I’ve never seen

Cold and damp and lonely, save the voices in my head

That say I’m worthless, useless, hopeless, caught up in my dreams

I’m helpless in the turmoil when no one can hear me scream

Along the line, I don’t know where, I suffered a loss of faith

I’m godless and drifting to a place that I don’t know

I’m lost and soulless knowing that I’ll never find a light

And slowly realizing that it isn’t worth the fight

If I just had the bravery for one night to end it all

Or is it selfishness that I need to overcome?

And is it fair for anyone who may be left behind?

Is it the only option left to still a troubled mind?

If I just had the courage for one night to end it all…