Soap Box

Give me my time on the soap box and let me complain.

Let me tell you how cruel

it is that so many people dislike pickles.

What did pickles ever do to you? It’s alarming,

let me tell you, to see the disturbing stories out of Florida.

There must be something they put in their sodas.

They probably still have the original recipe for Coca-Cola soda.

It’s nice to get this off my chest, but I’m not done complaining.

There is a lot to admire about the state of Florida

Like that man who saved his dog from a cruel

croc. Yet every news story out of Florida is alarming.

This just in: “Florida Man goes crazy for pickles!”

Don’t laugh, this could happen because pickles

are great! I’m pretty sure there’s a pickle soda

somewhere in the world. But I sure alarms

would ring and people would be complaining

about how it would be wrong and cruel

to make a pickle soda, and not have it originate in Florida!

Admit it, all the crazy comes out of Florida.

Someone was bored while eating a pickle

and said “hey, I should make this into a drink! It would be cruel

not to.” And so, the Florida Man turned pickle juice into a soda.

People might complain

at first, but then they would see, it’s not so alarming.

Now what’s alarming

is a man opening the jaws of a croc’s mouth in Florida

to save his dog. Back to my previous complaint:

why do so many people dislike pickles?!

There are worse things in the world to dislike, like soda!

Some sodas are just plain cruel.

Cruel as in, they shouldn’t exist cruel.

As in, SOMEONE PULL THE ALARM!

Drinking a bad one will make you spew the soda.

You probably won’t want to retire to Florida

then. They may be putting in the juice of a pickle.

Okay… I think I’m done complaining.

I can be cruel sometimes, maybe I’m wrong about Florida.

I can alarm myself too, but can you stop dissing on pickles?

It’s a fine food but not a fine soda. … Oh quit your complaining!