Clawing up my throat, it spills
All those swallowed pills and tears
It's inky black and a murky green
The Monster emerging from me
Sucking in the night
It Screams
Bearing the morning light in clenched teeth
-
Author:
Sugiura Asuna (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: April 26th, 2021 07:56
- Comment from author about the poem: Wrote this in my history class, after a night where I decided to watch a sad movie, got half-way through it and decided not to sleep.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 55
- Users favorite of this poem: rebmasters, A Boy With Roses
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Comments3
If sadness has that reaction I hate to think what any stronger emotion would do to you....
And what do you learn in your history class?
Apart from those reservations I found it an interesting but terrifying read.
Thank you so much for the read! I live to terrify *evil laughter ending in a choke*
Currently my history class is government lol.
Emotions are a fickle thing, no two people have them the same way, because how we interpret and experience them is part nature, the chemistry of our brains and their special hormonal cocktail; and part nurture, our experiences, memories, and mental scars. So many (sometimes I find myself slipping into this thinking too) think that there are 2, maybe 3 kinds of people when it comes to emotion; the first is those who are highly emotional (generally speaking, this means that they have a high level of empathy), these are the people who feel things so deeply emotions seem to rip through them and come spilling out at the seams (most see women as this species, its where we get the whole "women are the weaker sex" thing). The second type is the "strong, stoic, silent" they have emotion, but display little to none of it, and never something that makes them vulnerable. Societally, there are certain kinds of emotion which are accepted when displayed, and others that are frowned upon; grief, when shown through a few silent tears, or displayed in anger, and happiness as long as it stems from a socially and culturally accepted thing, are both accepted, even venerated in the right setting. Many men fall prey to this or are pushed into it by (yet more) societal ideals like, "real men don't cry'', "Suck it up and be a man", etc... The examples are endless. The third type often falls to the wayside because they're invisible for the most part, but there all the same, these are the people who feel no emotion, psychopaths, sociopaths, and the dissociated (a state of emotional numbness/detachment, basically it feels like you go numb emotionally, nothing hurts like grief, or feel good like happiness). Usually when you think of this category you instantly think of murderers and serial killers, but psychopathy (no conscience) and sociopathy (weak conscience) are actually much more common, people just aren't aware of it because they fade into the background, forgotten until something brings it to the forefront, like murdering someone. It's like the ancient empire of Purth, exceedingly prosperous, well known in the ancient world, was a key ally of Egypt, yet no one can find where it is, because no one bothered to write down where it was because "Everyone knows where Perth is." (The number of times this has happened is honestly hilarious, another example is the Romans recipe for concrete that worked underwater, they had the recipe, but when they made it, it always failed. Turns out, when the recipe said "water" they meant seawater, because "Everyone knows the recipe for concrete."). So because almost all people operate on the level that people around them have a moral compass, they forget some people don't. That's not to say the statistics that those who are true psychopaths and sociopaths are way more likely to become killers aren't true, they are, it's just that it's way more common than most people think.
These are the categories most people have in their heads. But there's another group which falls so much by the wayside, it's not even a category. This rag-tag group is everyone who doesn't fit into those 3 categories. They're the misfits, the broken ones that are individually rejected, people who don't feel emotion in the same or (in some cases even remotely) similar ways other people do. Sometimes people who are dissociating are placed in this category, it depends on the people around them, and how long they've been emotionally numb. It's everyone who doesn't neatly check the boxes to be categorised in the big 3, because of that, this group is actually where most people belong, the issue is that falling/aspiring to one of the big 3 is so much easier than dealing with the fact that the world isn't made up of boxes, that every single person in unique in some way. Because the truth is, none of those boxes are real, boxes make everything easy for our brain, and our brains like to be lazy.
Everyone operates on a spectrum, which means us (our brains) have to manually sort through every interaction we have with others rather than taking a box of 20-30 people, and checking them off.
Anyway, that was just a really long-winded and procrastin(tory????) way of saying sadness is probably the most visceral emotion I experience, depending on its level, it comes up my throat and sits, painfully weighing my lungs down. Emotional pain is different from physical pain, but the brain registers them in very similar ways.
Hold up there for a moment; I'm not closing down on you yet...only just started, but it's getting late where I live....I'll sleep on this and then get back to you OK?
lol You're fine, I was writing that at 1 in the morning anyway
Yes, I am fine – thank you Sugiura.
Seems you prefer short sharp poetry (from a sample of your back catalogue) and long form prose – nothing wrong with that; ‘comments’ should be a place for dialogue rather than a two or three word response.
While initially a little overwhelmed, on second reading in the light of day, I found I agreed with nearly all of it, including:
The nature – nurture balance;
Non classification of people – should be a continuum;
Societal imposition of prescriptive gendered behaviors;
Continuum also relevant re sociopathy et al;
Common knowledge/common sense of limited value.
And therefore little to dispute (sadly – I enjoy a good person to person debate).
So Madam Evil Laughter, I’m still a little worried (your back catalogue again) about your ability to cope when confronted with stronger emotions than sadness – though with your insights as stated above and the fact that you are still here, I am able to believe that you have it all under control really.
A tiny clue please – I don’t believe your ‘class’ in Govt is part of a school curriculum; rather part of a Social Science course – correct?
Dave
If that monster has now emerged from within you let it go and continue with your better life.
Andy
'woosah', take it slow dear poet
life still has a lot to throw your way, I fear
just take a glimpse of those history pages..
still, personally: I found this a delightfully poetic read
one thing is for sure, your write showcases unquestionable talent
thanks for choosing to share..
'keep that keyboard dancing and enjoy the ride
remember to grip ambition's reins - loosely
before it skins your innate whimsy: bloody...'
Thank you so much!
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