I want to be able to lie here
So I’m not consumed by my fear
But I’m still shaking in my bed and fighting against the next first tear
The truth I’m trying to force on myself is insincere
It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, I did nothing wrong
Nothing’s different from the way it’s been all along
Don’t fall into self destruction like I did last time, be strong
Forget bottles exist and don’t reach for the bong
But this wasn’t what I planned on and I am afraid
Would it be different if I hadn’t tried and where I was, stayed?
Are you as different as I think or am I being played?
I suppose it doesn’t matter because I care too much, this time I am not going to fade
Into my insecurities, anger, anxiety and doubt
This time, I am staying in the cage, I’m not lashing out
It’s like I have someone who finally made me understand what love is about
I’ll be happier to feel pain with you than I would be to be without
-
Author:
JWKP98 (
Offline) - Published: May 2nd, 2021 22:54
- Comment from author about the poem: Those who have read my poetry before may know I handle anger very poorly. Two days ago, something happened that made me angry. Today, I saw her, was with her for over two hours, and did not lash out AT ALL. I did not get annoyed around her, I did not get angry. It just was. I'm not able to do that, I can't do that-last time something like this happened, I bullied the other person for a month and attempted suicide twice. But this time, I did it!
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 15
Offline)
Comments2
Well done.
Perhaps this is the start of a whole new life. However, and only you can judge this, one only instance does not mean all is resolved; maybe it is, but I would think that if your old behaviours reappear you should seek professional help if available to you. This could perhaps include general counselling to try to work out where those negative responses come from and if possible an anger management course.
'I bullied the other person for a month and attempted suicide twice.'
I wonder if you truly grasp
just how worryingly/alarmingly Alien this line reads?
I strongly second Doggerel Dave's considered and insightful advise.
still, I shall thank and commend you for bravely choosing to share
your unfiltered view of the world!
(please forgive me if you find my comment in any way
rude or derogatory, and feel free to delete it if you do
but try to understand this was never my intention
sadly, I must have lacked the ability to convey my sincerity)
...
'Don’t fall into self destruction like I did last time, be strong
Forget bottles exist and don’t reach for the bong'
-
'This time, I am staying in the cage, I’m not lashing out
It’s like I have someone who finally made me understand what love is about'..
this set of lines do convey
an important and uplifting message!
but remember, when we choose - another
as the solution to our problems, we risk
their absence: throwing us into that deep-end
of our suffering's cycle...
so it's important, however painstakingly - hard
to try
and nurture our own independent solution
so that one day, it will be us
that plays the role of 'Anchoring, Pillar'
in all the relationships, we help nourish
with our very presence;
than poison, with the baggage: we bring along...
good luck, dear Poet
'fight the good fight
till the very end! my friend'
or in the more eloquent words of a true poet:
'Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.'
( https://mypoeticside.com/show-classic-poem-12653 )
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