Best Mans' Speech

Andy Hunter

Well old friend the time has come 
Is this by choice – or by shotgun 
You said for you she is the one 
You can’t back out – the deed is done 

Like the proverbial sitting duck 
Love hits you like a ten ton truck 
We sincerely wish you lots of luck 
At least tonight you’re guaranteed a good time 

We’ve known you since we were at school 
And you’re the one who played it cool 
But now you’ve got a chain and ball 
I guess it happens to us all 

Try not to commit the ultimate crime 
By not arriving home on time 
Expect it all to work out fine 
With flowers, chocs and a bottle of wine 

All she’ll do is expect the worst 
Your good intentions are now cursed 
She’ll ask why you didn’t text or phone 
You’ll end up on the couch alone 

To achieve a long and happy marriage 
You’re the horse – she’s the carriage 
She’s in charge – but you’re in control 
Just take her where she wants to go 

Now you’ve said the words I do 
What’s yours is hers – what’s hers is too 
Steer clear of trouble – avoid the strife 
We wish you both a happy life  

  • Author: Andy Hunter (Offline Offline)
  • Published: May 7th, 2021 13:19
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 359
  • Users favorite of this poem: Eugene S.
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Comments +

Comments5

  • jarcher54

    OK, you win. This is full of every trite tope of warnings and advice for the groom... but it is so cleverly meshed and wittily crafted, it is priceless! These old ball and chain images are so sexist... but I am ashamed to say laughed all the way.

    • Andy Hunter

      Thanks, actually wrote this for my nephew's wedding. Thought it may be worth sharing for a laugh 😂

      • Andy Hunter

      • Doggerel Dave

        Do they still have those things, Andy - weddings with bride in white, three tier cakes, groom and best man?
        I remember them a little from when I was a kid and umpteen aunts and uncles did it.... The last wedding I attended was in the sixties when a couple who had been living together for years wanted an excuse for a big party - wasn't quite like the regular thing, though.
        So where have I been living - in a cave? That's for me to know....

        • Andy Hunter

          I agree, we got married mainly for the tax rebate. Back then we were living in London and totally broke and the whole wedding only cost us £50.00. 40 years later we are still happily married.

          • Andy Hunter

          • Goldfinch60

            Good fun write Andy.

            Andy

          • Andy Hunter

          • 🐤s.zaynab.kamoonpuri🌷🐦😽

            I did already write a comment on this fantastic amusing poem advices to newlywed grooms, did it disappear??

            • Andy Hunter

              Yes, I have also read some of your wonderful poetry and sent comments. I hope you received them.

              • Andy Hunter



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