CRISIS AT THE ‘CROSS

Kings Cross in Sydney during the ’80’s was a rather colourful area with more than its fair share of somewhat sleazy bars, eateries, strip clubs and..... well you can speculate on the rest. I lived there in a rooming house on arrival in Sydney as it was very close to my office job in the CBD. The Bourbon and Beefsteak Bar was one of the more salubrious establishments, although as a vegetarian, my preferred spirit scotch, I was not a customer, not a witness and cannot vouch for the veracity of this account – sorry.

A big brown bear walks into the Bourbon and Beefsteak Bar in Kings Cross, slams his paw on the bar and growls,  "Barman, bring me a beer."

The barman responds: "I'm sorry sir, this is the Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears."

The bear, a founding member of Bears Against Discrimination (BAD) grumbles more forcefully: "Grrrrr! Barman, gimme a beer!" and makes with a long loud burp.

To which the barman answers: "I'm sorry sir, this is the Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly."

The big BAD brown bear snarls: "Grrrrr! Barman, gimme a beer!" and spins around in frustration and punches an onlooker.

The barman replies: "I'm sorry sir, this is the Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who biff bystanders."

The bear, totally frustrated, persists: "Grrrrr! Barman, gimme a beer!" and provides the barman with a not very flattering character assessment.

The barman, remaining cool, says: "I'm sorry sir, this is the Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who biff bystanders, and we refuse to bring beer to bears who belittle the barman."

So the bear, further enraged, goes: "Grrrrr! Barman, gimme a beer!" and roars and smashes a seat.

The barman, standing his ground, continues to assert: "I'm sorry sir, this is the Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who biff bystanders, and we refuse to bring beer to bears who belittle the barman, and we never bring beer to bears who break barstools."

The bear, really loosing it now, gives an extra terrifying roar: "Grrrrr! Barman, gimme a beer!" and tears a chunk out of the bar with his mighty jaws.

The barman makes one final, definitive statement: "I'm sorry sir, this is The Bourbon and Beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, we definitely don't bring beer to bears who biff bystanders, we refuse to bring beer to bears who belittle the barman, we never bring beer to bears who break barstools, and under no circumstances will we bring beer to bears who take drugs."

"Eh?" says the bear, somewhat bemused, "I don't take drugs."

"Really?" replies the barman. "What about that bar bit you ate?"