Laughing without smiling 

    Laughing without smiling 

The march of cursed souls intoxicated with dreams and vomiting hope
Loud and desprete howls of crying angels sniffing fears and shooting up dope
Completly ignored left to slowly die in pain by the side of the road 
Downright tragic fate of the faild servents of love and it's steep sloap    
Dark empty hotel rooms filed with loneliness of unimaginable scope
Waiting for the defeated spirits of bastards with a ties out of rope 
Who have been banished out of society for their attitude or inability to cope 
Who become burned out husks mere shadows of their former selves while signing the suicide note
Witch was written in their toxic blood  and afterwards sealed in an envelope
And send without address into oblivion for eternity to grope

Sudden silence

Then 
The metal aftertaste of vicious violence
Omnipresent and progressive dacadence 
Of the world where pain asserts dominence 
Over any kind of pleasent or enjoyable experiance   
Rendering life's meaning to the accumulation of opulence
Useing  mindless shows for even more mindless audience
Creating unescapeble feeling of frustration and internal absence
Turning poets into nihilists who laugh without smiling at the god's so-called omnipotence

Such a dreadful weird and twisted way of existence

In which we all play the unfair game of life
And we are willing to break all the rules  
                                                                                       Because we know we could lose                                                                   

So so much

Scars on our body
Tell the same old story   
About life being too short   
To hold a grudge

To me 
Life always seemed 
Way too long  
For that

With time you'll see that
Anyone can be redeemed 
If the will is strong 
And you know where to look at

And asking the right questions
Is more importatnt
Than having the answers 
To them 

What i mistook for love  
Was just an obsession 
That's partly because i don't know 
Who i am

But i see now 
That i have always
Constructed my personality
Around my so-called love for someone

I don't know how 
Or why do i build this maze
Of emotional brutality 
Only for it to be undone

And then rebuild once again
Out of the desperation 
That comes from the lack  
Of desire

Like a phoenix locked
Into an endless cycle of creation
After burning down 
Like a fire

I was brought happines on a golden plate
It was staring in my face 
Yet i said 
NO

I could not walk trough that gate 
Despite it's obvious grace
Because i knew where it led 
You know 

It seems that more than 
A clean path
And utopic 
Happily ever after

I long for longing it self 
That's the source 
Of all my kicks
And my smileless laughter

I laugh at myslef
Because there is nothing
More pathetic
Than the need for needing

But at the same time 
It makes my writing
More poetic
It breeds the quality of my bleeding

Even now as i write
And search for the end
Of this poem 
So far unending

Here take it
It is written with the intend
To be a token 
Of my suffering