The Bluest blue there is

I remember things that never happend

I have recollections of events that never took place

I am forever in love with the abstract look of this maze

Made with manufactured memories of nonexistent days

My own doing is this poisonous yet beautiful haze

Upon which i gaze basically daily

I can't explain it plainly

Those synthetic echoes of what could have been

Are what magician have seen

Through the darkness of future past

Vast fields of the greenest grass

Always turning into the bluest blue there is

Oscillating between the lowest torture and the highest bliss

That's how powerful is her kiss

Even when just imagined

Even when - not real

Tell me is this love that i feel?

Or just illusions of mad broken spirit unable to heal?

What gods do i need to worship or before whom do i need to kneel?

To break that eternal seal

Perhaps i'll say yes the next time the Devil offers me a deal

YES! that might be the answer

Nailing my soul to the devil's alter

But then again is it worth it?

Selling my soul for a girl who doesn't even want it?

And if i sell it to the Devil

How could i ever give it to her?

All i know is that pain is crystal and happiness a blurr

And yet she and my art are the only things that occupy my heart

Which belongs to her even though she's not interested

Because that one week when we were intimate

struck me down with a power as unlimited

as it was unprecedented

And then - when it all came crashing down with equal intensity

I started living with a frown and on the brink of insanity

For three months i lived inside a bottle

Because it seemd like the dust would never settle

And when it did

Pieces of my heart soul and mind were forever split

But all this is just so you know my cross and it's omen

I no longer have the need for another heartbroken poem

For if i can love her i can love her absence as well

My friend asked me:

Why do you put yourself through such a hell?

Don't you have a bit of pride?

To which i replied:

Can't you see?

That this is the key sent from above?

That this is how i know it is love

For i feel it despite the fact that she does not

And even face to face rejection i didn't leave my spot

For if you love her only while all is fine

Then it is a shallow love not worth a dime

And if you love her only if she feels the same

Then it is a selfish love which always ends in flame

And if your idea of love - is to tame

Then it is you who shall carry the blame

For you don't understand a true love's aim

To not be with her is bad

But to not know my love for her would be worse

Ofcourse it will always make me sad

But it isn't a curse

No it is a pure unrefined love and so what that it burns in vain?

All that drama and all that pain

Soaked me with lessons of wisdom like a late autumn rain

And in it's stream i realized my role

I understood what it means to have my soul

And it's burden and it's toll

I found that i am the biggest cliche there is

Just a boy chasing a girl who can never be his

And what more

I found that it is integrated in my core

And no matter how much i roar

No matter how much vine i pour

I will never be able to fully close this door

And that writing about it is the only thing it is good for

And that's why i lie down on the floor

Where sadness slowly drips out of my every pore