The death of first love

I am not worth a single grey hair on her head
I was so reckless with my own happiness
Those are the things i think about before i go to bed
To lie there sleepless hugging my own sadness

Meeting her again drew a new blood
From the old scars
But i already knew the taste of this emotional flood
Which behaves like the stars 

So old and distant and faded out
Yet still shining bright
Making me wonder what it's all about
And giving me another reason to write 

Three days we spent together 
Throughout which i was getting sader and sader
For the first one was just like the old times 
Golden sunshine and clear blue skies 
On the second it started to be cloudy
But i still managed to come across as funny
And on third there was nothing but rain 
For i used to be mad for her and now could not help but to feel sane 

It took three days for Christ to come back from the dead
As well as for me to realize that there is nothing more to be said
That we are both different people than we used to
That she is a rainbow and i am just blue
That this is the very end of out story
For i've seen and finally understood that i am simply not worthy

Ironically this realization helped me
It didn't burn the bridge just showed me that it no longer leads anywhere 
And even though she always be the first and i will always care and regard her as rare
I can no longer bear the torch of my feelings for her 
That it will be for the best to keep and cheris the blurr of memories
But to continue with our separate stories each on our own 

And in the end i am grateful
Because while she never did what i wanted
She always did what i needed 

And even though there's no more madness
And my soul engulfs eternal rain
She'll forever remain my most beautiful sadness
And my most valuable pain