A deed lower than low

Blue Poet

Oh father i belive in no god
Yet come to confess
The fact that my heart is far from the purest
And i don't expect you to understand
When i say that all my lies are honest

 

I walk in a twisted places 
Where light is a stranger 
Those long intricate mazes
Where each turn poses a danger

 

You can't see anyone
But you can feel that you are not alone
All that you want is to run
But your legs feel like they are not your own

 

Nothing happy about the end of this story 
Shivers run down my crooked spine
Goosebumps engulf my body
The dark is hungry and ready to dine


It has a special taste 
For men like me
A man who tends to waste diamonds
One - two - three

 

Each was given to me freely
And each time i  threw it away
How can i be so greedy
Yet never whisper: please just stay?

 

Have you ever met a person
Who seemed to be made just for you
And yet you find a reason 
To send them to look for a another view
For something different - less true

 

Because that's exactly what i did 
I had a shot on happines and let it slip 
Even worse - i made it so by design 
Willingly gave up a chance to call her mine

 

But that is not the worst part 
That would still be within the boundaries of a fair play
But soon after i did start 
Painting her world with different shades of grey

 

I treated her worse than poorly 
Acted like an infant full of rage
To her messeges i replyed loosely
And barely read what she put on a page

 

At later stage i wrote to her
That i no longer value her opinion 
And while aware of making an error
I did cast her out of my dominion

 

And then - when being free turned to being lonely 
I started to miss her being around 
And came asking if only 
She could forgive me for bringing her down

  
 
And that is what feeds the darkness
Inside those labyrinths of a mind hardly sane 
To know that for the latest bit of my sadness 
I have only myself to blame

  

Today i would tell her
That if one day should come her time of need
All she has to do is remember my name
And i'll be there quicker than a cut can bleed

 

But all those words would come
Two minutes too late
I know how easily 
Can unheard love turn to hate 

 

I know my mistake
And i offered an apology
Which is essentially:
"I stabbed you in the back 
And now i am saying sorry"

 

What a useless words 
What a waste of breath 
No good are apologies 
When you deserve slow and painful death

 

I don't know  if it's gonna be  tommorow 
Or any other day
Or if it's gonna be quick or slow
But there's gonna be plenty of pain
Which i will face alone

 

A fate rightfully earned 
Also a punishment not harsh enough 
The bridge should already be burned
Scum like me deserves it rough

 

But for unclear reason and despite all the caused sadness 
She still acts friendly  
Probably thanks to her kindness
Even though if you ask her she'll deny to have any

 

So at the end of the day - i'am in her debt
And don't worry - she forgave but did not forget
This poem unlike my stupidity  found it's end 
And she'll never have to regret meeting me ever again  
 
 
 
  

  • Author: //Blue Poet// (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 13th, 2021 07:10
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 31
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
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Comments +

Comments4

  • Saxon Crow

    Wow! A powerful poem AP

    • Blue Poet

      Thank you. It's the only positive by-product of the shit i've done.

    • Accidental Poet

      Everyone makes mistakes BP, everyone. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is well penned. ; )

      • Blue Poet

        I know i know...but...tell that to her...anyway thanks for reading

      • Goldfinch60

        Powerful words BP but you have come out of it as a stronger person and the future will be so much better.

        Andy

      • L. B. Mek

        'I walk in a twisted places
        Where light is a stranger
        Those long intricate mazes
        Where each turn poses a danger'
        'And that is what feeds the darkness
        Inside those labyrinths of a mind hardly sane
        To know that for the latest bit of my sadness
        I have only myself to blame'
        'But for unclear reason and despite all the caused sadness
        She still acts friendly
        Probably thanks to her kindness
        Even though if you ask her she'll deny to have any'
        I pity those, who will never get to realise
        your wondrous talent, dear poet
        keep growing and enjoying every syllable
        of your Poetic journey,
        I'll be looking up
        to witness your arrival: at Poetry's summit
        one day: soon, hopefully
        but gradually
        so you may treasure your achievement: with humility



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