Fraudulent Transactions.

Now we’re coming out of lockdown and the world seems more at ease

We’re nicer to each other and do our best to please.

We’re much more understanding and we’re getting more acquainted.

My facebook and my twitter feed is getting inundated..

It’s filling up with friends requests from someone’s widowed wife 

Who would like to use my bank account to change my way of life.

 

They’ll deposit fifty million in my current bank account

And they’ll hand me £20 million change, If I’ll just help them out.

It all seems very genuine, a sign of things to come.
I don’t think for one moment that they’ll take my dosh and run.

 

One lady seemed quite lonely, she’d been widowed for a while,

She said my number on my card, might help to make her smile

Just sixteen digits from my account, would put her mind at ease

And my name,my home address, oh and sort code if you please.

 

Another came from Africa a Nigerian tribal chief

His name was “ Trustme Goodman” so he could n’t be a thief.

He’ll deposit sixty million and give me a mighty share.

I’d never have to work again,live life without care.

 

He wants to know about my life and where i choose to bank

But something tells me his proposal is n’t worth a ………Wager.

He’d like to give to charity a portion of our prize

He just needs my identity and the colour of my eyes.

 

A passport photography to trace my bank account 

But I fear that I’ll be putting in and he’ll be taking money out.

He sounded reassuring, the sort of man to trust.

But he’ll be drinking Champers, and I’ll be going bust.

 

My instagram is popular with twenty years old girls

Who want to show me pictures, to make eyebrows curl.

I’ve told ‘em I'm not interested in peeking at their bits.

I’d rather have a tata pie, some gravy and some chips.

 

Then the conmen on the telephone calls me in the day

Coz my data’s been corrupted and a bill I need to pay.

He says he’s Steve from London, a manager from Sky.

But I suspect it’s Abdul from Delhi or Mumbai.

 

“Open your computer up” he tells me in a hurry

Coz he needs to take control and I don’t need to worry

Say he’ll fix it right away and prevent my financial crash

But I’ve got a funny feeling he’s looking for my cash.

 

So if you get a phone call, e-mail or a text

Offering a financial deal, free cash or easy sex,

Deal with it politely, tell them “Thanks a bunch.”

Remember what your Daddy told you about life and a free lunch.