I saw the creature advertised in the local daily news.
A bargain basement offer that I could not refuse
A lovely pet for company, that I could take for walks.
According to the advert this Labrador could talk.
I rang the seller right away and was invited to inspect.
The dog and its accessories and papers from the vets.
The seller lived in Sevenoaks, a little town in Kent.
So off I jumped into my car and down the road I went.
The journey took me hours and I did n’t know the way.
But I was so intrigued to learn, what “Rover” had to say,
I did n’t mind the travelling, in fact I would have walked
To be the first to witness, a Labrador that talked.
My mind was working overtime about all the cash I’d make.
And when we’ve made a million, I'll buy the dog a steak.
And if I’m feeling generous, because sometimes I do.
I’ll get a bag of oven chips and I will have one too.
I finally reached the seller’s house and he took me to the hound.
He said he wanted rid of it and asked for fifteen pounds,
I told him “Hang on buddy” I’m not as daft as I appear.
I want to test the merchandise, some words I'd like to hear.
He left me with the mutt and a silence filled the place.
And I could feel the goose bumps on my back and on mi face.
The dog looked rather gormless and sat there in its bed.
I was feeling disappointed, when suddenly it said
“ Good evening, my name is Rex, tell me what is yours?”
“ I believe you are a Northerner ? That's not your fault I’m sure.”
“Hurry up and pay the man and together we will head, up the road to Lancashire, home in time for bed,”.
I stood there flabbergasted, heart racing double beats.
I’d found my fame and fortune, a Labrador that speaks.”
Then I thought “ Lets just hang on, it could be a clever trick,
That fella’s a ventriloquist, I’m not that bloody thick!”
So I looked the dog straight in the eyes and questioned him some more
He told me about his army days in the secret service cor.
He spent some time behind the lines, in Russia’s web of fear.
Then swapped the cold for warmer climes, spying in Korea.
He’d always been a talking dog since he was a pup.
Talking just came naturally.”It was the way he was brung up.”
His Father was a singer in a barber’s shop quintet.
He began to sing soprano after visiting the vet.
They sang in local public bars, coffee shops and clubs.
Him, his Dad and dear old Mum, a Corgi and a Pug.
He later joined the Police force and worked at Scotland yard.
But working on the flying squad, was for a dog, quite hard.
He could n't get to work on time and the Sargent used to moan.
By the time he'd put his boots on, it was time for going home.
I paid the fella right away and put Rex on his lead and wondered if I’d make more cash, if I allowed the dog to breed?
Rex and I were heading out along the garden path,
When curiosity got the better of me, I simply had to ask.
I told the man he was a fool for selling Rex so cheap.
He did n’t see the value of a Labrador that speaks?.
The man just laughed and shook his head and said to my surprise.
“I sold the dog for fifteen quid coz he’s always telling lies!”
-
Author:
Chris Duffy (
Offline) - Published: July 24th, 2021 06:39
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 26
- Users favorite of this poem: Accidental Poet, Trenz Pruca
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Comments9
I've heard some shaggy dog stories in my time, Chris.......Top notch and even if the Lab isn't particularly unkempt, the yarn certainly is.
Thanks for the laugh.
It’s a theme on an old old joke. As you probably discovered.
Thanks for the kind words.
I never quite found out who the genius was who decided there were only six original jokes, but I've resorted to some golden oldies in my time, so they could be right....
This is one I've not heard, I think...though the memory grows dim...
Well penned Chris. Have to ask, Did he end up making any money from the dog talking?
Enough for them both to enjoy a steak 🥩 and chips 🍟
Though my dog's not half as bright, I'm glad he speaks the truth;
Otherwise, when good crooks arrive, I'd think they're friends, forsooth!
Nice one Joseph.
Labradors are mind readers as well - beaming intuition into your brain. They know so much about you. mute!
👍
An old dog, an old joke and a fun poem to read, thank you for giving me this moment.
You are most welcome. Thanks for the kind feedback.
Great fun write Chris.
Andy
Thanks
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