The Uneducated O.A.P

It's Kernow, innit

An ochre sun sets behind bobbing sailboats casting long shadows over harbour walls

A sickly aroma of seafood, chips pies n pasties greets naval passages as a hungry seagull grabs freshly made ice cream in a high speed flyby leaving behind a cornet way past its sell by date.

Children crabbing as Englander parents necking brain deadening liquid leaning against bars utter the immortal words " I only took my eyes off them for a second"  as one child falls into the wavey water.

Sails clapping in a building breeze as a drunken busker sings his best rendition of Land Of Dope and Snorty

Shivering Emmets pull Pashminas over sunburnt bodies giggle as said busker trips headfirst into a fresh display of wet fish

Under the  boardwalk, a fresh reveal of untanned  complexion 

Is surely ending in unplanned conception

Tripadvisor receives complaining reviews of cow pats on pathways to headland viewpoints from veggie eating townies

Social Media lights up from said townies asking where cow pats come from

Facebook photo of drunken reveller sleeping beside swimming pool, trunks pulled down and an ice cream cornet sticking out from his anus receives 1 million likes.

Fish digest plastic dumped on our shores and sea

Its Lego and chips for tea.


This is Kernow innit 

Its Beautifull 


  • orchidee

    A fine write Bill.

    • The Uneducated O.A.P

      Thanks Steve, I have deciphered orchi code, the above means " hey Bill that's c++p". Lol and lol
      Stay sane my friend cause I'me nuts !

    • Accidental Poet

      And Orchi's driving the bus. 🤣

      • The Uneducated O.A.P

        Hope it's a big one, there are long queues at the bus stops, lol

        • Accidental Poet

          That's fine with Orchi, he'll lead them all in song. Bring your ear plugs. 😉

        • 2 more comments

        • Doggerel Dave

          Bill – that lot is a killer but I think if I keep laughing I’ll be allright and there’s no chance of me stopping anytime soon.
          Really need a smattering of British culture to understand the subtleties – and luckily for me I still retain some.
          That beach? Cornwall? The couple I saw were more like Aussie beaches – brilliant and yellow – I will give you some tips if you want ‘em……..
          PS: Kernow? Some kind of environmental authority?

          • The Uneducated O.A.P

            Thanks for looking in Dave, glad I gave you a laugh, you could be the only one lol, it seems you and I are on the same gigabyte. I've spent too long trying to be what's expected on M.P.S and not being me, as I commented to someone before, M.P.S is Ballet where as I am pantomime, and that's where I want to be. I find commenting on other people's work extremely difficult because, to be honest, I haven't a clue what some of it is about. I would love it if there was an X rated section on here lol, anyway I'm taking a break for a while ( hooray every one shouts) I may be back later in the year. Many thanks to you and all others for looking in and commenting. All the best Dave, Bill.

            • Doggerel Dave

              Received and understood, Bill. ‘Couple of responses here:
              The ‘uneducated’ part of your pseudon… (you know wot I mean) always gets me. ‘Life’ is the education, and you as a student will never graduate – that’s the nature of the beast. Same with me. But you know more than you let on - don't try to con me......
              Now when it comes to FORMAL education, well I’ve dropped in and out of that all my life, and didn’t finalise until I was fifty. And while I may have some reservations as to its value, in the end it did provide a stable position and reasonable amount of dosh until I retired at 60.
              As I may have mentioned, I’m London East End born as are my ancestors (or as many as I can count which isn’t many as the family tree got severely lopped sometime). But as a result of that education I’ve fraternised with the middle classes a good bit and fall somewhere between both…. I’m at home with panto –love it. Life is either tragic or too funny, so I will opt for the funny except when I can’t, and then I tend to let rip with my education.
              Why do you leave us? If it’s not serious, please pop in – even if it is only occasionally.

            • 2 more comments

            • Neil Higgins

              As a "grockle" who knows Somerset since I began to walk,the amount of times I have seen "drunken Englanders" watching their little ones play in a dangerous part of the beach,is ridiculous.I have seen the helicopter rescue guys called out more times than I can count."What mud officer"
              And at Burnham On Sea,I was in the town when a "little one" was washed into the river Parrot and never seen again.
              Enjoy the seaside,but please remember,you (me) are only guests.And respect your surroundings,or face the consequences.

              • The Uneducated O.A.P

                Thanks Neil, couldn't agree more, my wife and I seem to spend our time keeping an eye on strangers children more than their parents, we have been to Brean many times over the years, don't go on the beach anymore with the motorcaravan as they wanted £8 to park there for the day, we didn't get there till noon and he still wanted full payment so we declined. But it was fun, should that be worrying?, watching the idiot drivers racing towards the sea and then getting bogged down, needless to say they were mostly youngsters.I'm a ,Plymouthian spend many days around that area with my folks and later with my family. Like you have seen the craziness of parents on many occasions. Stay safe and keep an eye on the waves.

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