Letting Go

Scared of the distance

Both space

And time

And the walls you build

Around your mind

How my words don’t come out right

I can feel it slipping

How you intoxicate me

Feel the disconnection

Electricity

Slowly fading

Terrified of words

Left unsaid, unmade bed

More so timid than gentle

Painfully conscious

Of the imminent fragility

Never did have the luxury of stability

So used to playing with fire

Now  numb to the burns

Knew what we were doing

Knew what we risked losing

But I can’t lose you

I love you

 Means so many things

Like you should wear your seatbelt

Get some rest

And did you eat

And the crushing weight of watching

The fading luminosity in your eyes

I want to see you happy

Be there no matter what

See that shimmer in your eyes again

Whether I’m the reason for it

Or not

In over our heads

Don’t know how to fix this

Barely treading water

Didn’t mean to risk us

Not even sure

What us means anymore

Learned to pull away first

One foot out the door

Build walls around our hearts

Always on high alert

Stability was a luxury

We could never afford

And “love made like ink spilled”

Is just a fading memory

And loving means losing

Any semblance of control

We never knew safety

In being vulnerable