Mariel Ilagan

The bees in my head
And existential dread
Why can't I get up
I'm glued in my bed
I got brain malfunction
Fucking executive dysfunction 
If I'm not transfixed
I lose myself
To overstimulation 
What did you just say?
I can't hear you over 
This constant ringing
Sensory overload
I now suddenly find myself
Randomly singing
Just focus and make a list
They make it sound so easy
Restless and can't stand still
I'm struggling over here
No I just can't fucking focus
I'm trying my best
My body is in the east
But my mind's lost in the west
Need my supply of dopamine
For sustained euphoria
To conceal the pain from my
Rejection sensitive dysphoria
Have I ever even been in love
And was it true devotion
Or all along has it just been
Sheer obsession
My eyes dilate
When I hyperfixate
And I amaze everyone
With some things I can do
But y'all have no idea
What I would give
Just to be normal
And have it easier like you


  • dusk arising

    In a word... Brilliant. Loved this to bits. Straight into my favourites.

    • Mariel Ilagan

      That's very nice of you, thank you. ❤

    • rebmasters

      So much to love about this. The opening two lines, the flow, the rhymes... Just brilliant - never be normal x

      • Mariel Ilagan

        Thank you for your kind words ❤

      • L. B. Mek

        sing your Truth, dear poet
        thanks for choosing to share
        'The bees in my head
        An: existential dread,
        Why can't I get up!
        Fucking, executive dysfunction
        The bees in my head
        I got brain malfunction, glued
        to my bed,
        If I'm not transfixed
        I lose myself: to overstimulation'
        (forgive my rudeness, but this
        is how your beautiful poetry revealed itself to me)

        • Mariel Ilagan

          It's not rude at all! I appreciate your insights and thank you for the kind words ❤

        • HannahElisabeth

          You put this so absolutely, amazingly well! I've never come across a poet who talked about the struggles of having ADHD before. I was just taken off my stimulant medication for ADHD as of yesterday for severe side effects, this couldn't resonate more right now. Thank you for sharing something so personal, you're not alone 🙂

          • Mariel Ilagan

            Awww this makes me smile. It's so heartwarming to know that others can resonate to this as well, it means a lot. Thank you for your kind words, Hannah. ❤

            • HannahElisabeth


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