When did I learn to unlove
When did I become an empty void
The constant feeling of dread
Soon is taken over by numbness
People say “it must be nice to feel nothing at all”
But don’t know the truth behind it
Nothing feels like the grim reaper
Coming to collect his debt
Walk around with a smile to convince others
When in reality you are trying to convince yourself
You say “I'm okay” with a stiff voice
Not actually knowing what you are truly feeling
Numbness is like a disease
Never fully satisfied until it consumes you completely
You feel trapped
Social meter runs out faster
You choose to feel physical pain
To replicate the pain you wish you felt emotionally
You turn to vices, in hopes it may help you
But your slowly drowning in what once made you happy
Numbness follows me like a lost puppy
Constantly there and growing impatient
Nothing is a void that can no longer be filled
A hole in the heart that shouldn’t be there
Numbness is the monster under your bed
A fiction of your imagination
Waiting patiently to cross over into the real world
To terrorize you during the day too
Your only wish is to escape yourself
To finally fall to the bottom of the rabbit hole
It isn’t a wonderland of bliss
It's a labyrinth like Tartarus
Constantly changing directions
With no rhythm or real pattern
An inescapable loop of altered reality
Like trying to open a locked door with the wrong key
As those people are my vices
To forget them would be unfair
Yet the memory of them haunts me
Finally their masks fall off
Through the rose tinted glasses
You see me as cheery
Take them off
And I am a thunderous rain cloud
I learned to unlove
When the people I held close hurt me
I became an empty void
When I decided to fall back to them
-
Author:
Lukian.haid (
Offline) - Published: October 4th, 2021 12:18
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 35
- Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek, Mads
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Comments2
'Numbness is like a disease
Never fully satisfied, until
it consumes you completely'..
there's a Space between Depressed and Disillusioned -
its a tipping point, precipice
that few, talk about..
I've come across it a few times in others and in that unforgiving mirror,
its a gap in realisation-Time
between, the You
Fighting
and the who, You always thought
you would become...
there's no easy avenue for escape, since
few recognise its symptoms bars on that, jail cell island;
instead, what hope we have to traverse and overcome
this moment of bewilderment in our lives
exists entirely: within, ourselves
since only we can identify its ravenous appetite, for our complete destruction.
so those of us lucky enough, to catch it early - before
it festers and warps our capacity to wage a war:
must Fight!
'And I am a thunderous rain cloud
I learned to unlove
When the people I held close
hurt me
I became an empty void'..
Empty, by choice
so as to be Ready
for the Better, You deserve!
'We must first
get rid of the poison, before
we look for a cure...'
A brave, intense and intimate write
thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your kind words and words of encouragement, beautifully put.
There is so much sadness in this writing , I’m sorry that you feel this way
But you have expressed it so well
Emotional words
Difficult way to feel I’m sure
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