Lukian.haid

The Void

When did I learn to unlove

When did I become an empty void

The constant feeling of dread

Soon is taken over by numbness

 

People say “it must be nice to feel nothing at all”

But don’t know the truth behind it

Nothing feels like the grim reaper 

Coming to collect his debt

 

Walk around with a smile to convince others

When in reality you are trying to convince yourself

You say “I'm okay” with a stiff voice

Not actually knowing what you are truly feeling

 

Numbness is like a disease

Never fully satisfied until it consumes you completely

You feel trapped

Social meter runs out faster

 

You choose to feel physical pain 

To replicate the pain you wish you felt emotionally

You turn to vices, in hopes it may help you

But your slowly drowning in what once made you happy 



Numbness follows me like a lost puppy

Constantly there and growing impatient

Nothing is a void that can no longer be filled

A hole in the heart that shouldn’t be there

 

Numbness is the monster under your bed

A fiction of your imagination 

Waiting patiently to cross over into the real world

To terrorize you during the day too

 

Your only wish is to escape yourself 

To finally fall to the bottom of the rabbit hole

It isn’t a wonderland of bliss

It's a labyrinth like Tartarus

 

Constantly changing directions

With no rhythm or real pattern

An inescapable loop of altered reality

Like trying to open a locked door with the wrong key

 

As those people are my vices

To forget them would be unfair

Yet the memory of them haunts me

Finally their masks fall off

 

Through the rose tinted glasses 

You see me as cheery 

Take them off

And I am a thunderous rain cloud

 

I learned to unlove

When the people I held close hurt me

I became an empty void 

When I decided to fall back to them

Comments2

  • L. B. Mek

    'Numbness is like a disease
    Never fully satisfied, until
    it consumes you completely'..
    there's a Space between Depressed and Disillusioned -
    its a tipping point, precipice
    that few, talk about..
    I've come across it a few times in others and in that unforgiving mirror,
    its a gap in realisation-Time
    between, the You
    Fighting
    and the who, You always thought
    you would become...
    there's no easy avenue for escape, since
    few recognise its symptoms bars on that, jail cell island;
    instead, what hope we have to traverse and overcome
    this moment of bewilderment in our lives
    exists entirely: within, ourselves
    since only we can identify its ravenous appetite, for our complete destruction.
    so those of us lucky enough, to catch it early - before
    it festers and warps our capacity to wage a war:
    must Fight!
    'And I am a thunderous rain cloud

    I learned to unlove
    When the people I held close
    hurt me
    I became an empty void'..
    Empty, by choice
    so as to be Ready
    for the Better, You deserve!
    'We must first
    get rid of the poison, before
    we look for a cure...'
    A brave, intense and intimate write
    thanks for sharing!


    • Lukian.haid

      Thank you for your kind words and words of encouragement, beautifully put.

    • Violet bluebell( used to be yellow rose)

      There is so much sadness in this writing , I’m sorry that you feel this way

      But you have expressed it so well

      Emotional words
      Difficult way to feel I’m sure



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