What I’ve Done Is Killing Me

Bit by bit the ground is crumbling beneath

my feet

Consequences digging in the truth

They bury me

Stop, my heart is burning out

Can’t say a word

There’s a secret and it hurts

I’ll rake my fingernails through the damp

earth beneath

Dig until I’m surrounded by the daunting

plague of thoughts that warped me in

There’s not much room for air down here

and with each breath I can taste the

copper burning on the surface of my

tongue

Hot and sizzling as I struggle to withhold

another lie

In a way it mimics the same feeling of

being paralyzed in a terrible dream

Only this is not something one can

escape from with an abrupt flutter of your

eyes

I’m afraid that in order for me to get better

I’ll have to unlock the door to one of the

darkest rooms in my life

And I won’t have to enter or stare

Just knowing there’s a crack in the door or

that there’s no lock holding it in place

Is enough to make me feel like I’ll never be

able to leave

I’ll open that door and be claimed by the

slinking shadows scattering to make room

for me

I imagine it’ll feel like tripping and falling

into quicksand

You know you have to get out

But the more you try

The more you fail

And when you fail you realize that you’re

now forced to accept all the things you’ve

been running from all your life

Just you,

that screaming dark room,

and your own misery