I've already been;

HannahElisabeth


Notice of absence from HannahElisabeth
Taking a long overdue mental health vacation. I will check in when I can.

Some people will only ever see us as victims;

 

They're not the ones

Who pull you out of bed when your world shatters

Off the cold hard floor when your knees fail

And the air is taken from your lungs

 

Carrying the weight of a heart too big

Survivor's guilt as you stand

Mourning another grave of a friend

 

Friend of a friend

Another one gone and you can't do a thing

But stay on the phone and share the weight of the grief

 

Walking with ghosts still waiting to be claimed

Debts unpaid just to find some relief

Looking for answers

At bottoms of bottles

And cutting lines

In skin

Or white powder

 

When shooting up is the only time life is euphoric

And all of your friends

We're just waiting for it 

You know

That phone call

The one where they're saying

He flatlined

We tried

But we couldn't save him 

 

Surrounded by pain

But you make it out alive 

Praying to a god you don't believe in

The others survive

 

When the person you loved

More than life itself 

Turns into the reason

You're saving yourself

 

When you're pleading in court 

With an absolute stranger 

To grant some protection

To keep you from danger 

 

When consent doesn't matter,

Just the response to 

"But did he hit you...?"

 

When the family you know 

Isn't the one you were born with 

When they catch your fall 

You still feel that absence

 

Tell me

I'm going to hell

For what I believe in 

I can assure you

I've already been; 

  • Author: HannahElisabeth (Offline Offline)
  • Published: October 28th, 2021 21:48
  • Comment from author about the poem: A piece I've been sitting on since taking my leave of absence.
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 45
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek, dusk arising
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Comments4

  • Neville


    This is so damn good & raw, I am almost ashamed to like it as much as I do ................................ I look forward to your eventual return Hannah Elisabeth ... Neville

    • HannahElisabeth

      Neville, you are far too kind. I'm thrilled that this piece was well received, regardless of the heavier topics. I shall be back shortly!

      • Neville



        Good to hear 🙂

      • L. B. Mek

        (when reading such raw and powerful poetry, sometimes
        all I can do is try and respond to the emotions I connect with,
        give voice to the wordless yearning I identified with,
        maybe its rude of me, but please
        forgive my overzealous nature, I only mean to show solidarity, empathy
        and maybe in doing-so, let you know
        however empty your room may be, momentarily
        you're not alone, dear Poet
        at least in me
        you've someone that will listen
        patiently and still, respect you
        for the honest bravery you choose to express yourself with
        and fight to survive, against all the odds!)
        how do we begin to peel
        the fruits
        of our pain and suffering;
        seeds, we never knew
        we invited into our heart's
        blossoming a lifetime of regrets
        watered by our unshed tears,
        there must be a place
        where a wrong turn, in life
        doesn't have to culminate
        in a free fall, of endless strife!
        where is this mercy
        where are these deities
        where do I find, the love in life?
        must my knees bend, to plead
        when so much of me is already broken..
        let's say, this is all fate decreed
        and from my nightmare ashes
        a light of destiny
        will beckon me
        to the wonder's of the world
        this poet's are drunk on?
        what of my daydream horrors
        will they, be wiped from my memory;
        one day will I be too able to hug, a stranger again
        without flinching
        like in my youthful bliss of naivety?
        or am I cursed
        to remain weary
        of all the kindness that still awaits me...

        • HannahElisabeth

          There is nothing to forgive, dear poet. I always look forward to your beautiful responses; this one in particular brought tears to my eyes.

          I cannot express my gratitude enough for such a lovely group of people who appreciate the raw and vulnerable pieces I share.

          All I can say is thank you. As dark as this might be, I am grateful for having so many people in my life to love so fiercely as to write this.

        • dusk arising

          placing a part of life naked before us dear poet takes a lot of courage.
          Pain which has led us to now makes us the poet we are.... you have amazing expression in your writing and the pain comes through hard hitting.
          Amazing writing.

          • HannahElisabeth

            Dusk arising, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. They are very much appreciated as always my friend! And thank you for reading

          • Doggerel Dave

            Hannah - I cannot find a single argument to muster against anything or circumstance you relate in your gut wrenching piece...... Great to know you survive and are still around.

            • HannahElisabeth

              Hope you didn't miss me too much while I've been gone, I know I've missed the banter.

              I have some much happier pieces I've been working on, this was just a dark moment I was in while readjusting to life without anxiety medication.

              Life is actually pretty beautiful right now and I'm looking forward to being more active on MPS again 🙂

              • Doggerel Dave

                Ah - you're back; that's great. I did wonder if you would return. Happy sounds good. As for the banter - I'll see what I can provide.

                Not in a dark place myself, but certainly lacking in inspiration right now, and take some short breaks. I expect light will return sometime soon........

                • HannahElisabeth

                  I most definitely hit some writer's block myself, between drowning in school work and the rather chilly, nasty weather we've had lately.

                  Hoping the holidays will brighten your spirit!

                  • Doggerel Dave

                    Thanks for that - I'll persevere......

                    • HannahElisabeth

                      I should hope so 🙂



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