Vaccinated

My heart's soaking in vague remembrance                                                                          

The concrete joy we felt remembering that world                                                        

Young lust cutting flowers, a decade of longing                                                                

I've waited a lifetime for this moment, patiently waiting                                                        

I sit like a rare emerald, drinking until I can't feel                                                              

So numb you could cut my skin and I wouldn't respond                                                        

I hear moths in spirals trying to understand                                                              

Making a living but trying to get away and escape                                                        

The mind is a heaven, and the mind's a hell                                                                                  

Some distant land of quantum physics I never learned                                                      

Loud voices reminding me I do care  

The river runs deep, but I've never learned how to speak                                                             

I tried to open up my veins and prayed the pain would cease                                                          

Why things happened and I took things personally                                                          

But I would spare you from this syndication                                                      

Treasure your skin and walk through doors of light                                              

Understand I'm happy and dying                                                                                        

Why can't we talk and resolve this bitterness?                                                                      

I know I say I don't care, but you know deep down I do                                              

Purple like every bruise, I want everyone to be happy                                                                      

But life's not fun like it used to be in the past                                                                                                        

My smiling flesh has developed a new appetite for the weird                                            

Bored and sad but it's okay                                                                                      

I like people when they're not talking                                                                              

People in history who don't know why the sky is blue        

Death is quiet, and you want attention without compromising      

I play the piano different and it's not what you expected                                                              

Blinking eyes and mouths blowing kisses                                                                

Mouths blowing kisses.