HannahElisabeth

3 a.m.


Notice of absence from HannahElisabeth
Taking a long overdue mental health vacation. I will check in when I can.

It's 3 a.m. 

 

you wake in a cold sweat 

 

panic 

 

as you hear the car being locked 

 

outside your window in the parking lot

 

and your body doesn't care 

 

if it's him 

 

or someone else

 

cortisol, adrenaline, norepinephrine

 

coursing through your system 

 

in fight or flight 

 

a survival mechanism

 

you know the rules of the game 

 

and all you can do is freeze 

 

it's what you learned since you were 12 or 13 

 

when your mother used to scream 

 

to the point you left your own body 

 

just to make sense of the senselessness

 

of a broken home and nowhere to go

 

 

-20 seconds-

 

 

-30 seconds-

 

 

feels like an eternity

 

waiting for signs he's not coming home 

 

and he doesn't 

 

 

and you cry 

 

when your cat leaves your side 

 

to stand guard by the door 

 

when he sees your eyes dart back and forth 

 

ears on high alert

 

for the same signs you're waiting for 

 

like there's anything he could do

 

should it open

 

 

it's now 5 p.m.

 

living in a different city 

 

you tell yourself he doesn't know 

 

your apartment number 

 

when that very same sound 

 

makes your blood run cold to the core

 

as you sit in the study hall

 

and the process starts all over 

 

 

it's been months and months since you left 

 

but that feeling

 

never did.

Comments8

  • Teddy.15

    A truly magnificent piece as usual Hannah, you brought all the emotion and the helplessness, you are such a great writer, shudders down my spine. Kudos.

    • HannahElisabeth

      Thank you dear Teddy; always bringing a smile to my face!

    • Doggerel Dave

      Now I don’t want to be picky, but somewhere I thought there were some ‘happier pieces’ in the offing…….

      However, that noted, I want you to know this particular effort (I use the term advisedly – it would have taken considerable toll on memory and emotion) is for me a window into a situation I read about and am confronted with via other media, but nothing has bought it home in such a raw way as this.

      Thanks Hannah.

      • HannahElisabeth

        What can I say, the inspiration hit and I just had to share. I have one that I'm still editing from my lovely adventures in nature, and a very particular piece I'm quite fond of. But that won't be shared until my next poetry reading for reasons you'll see soon enough. Gotta build that anticipation, right?

        I greatly appreciate the thanks. I'm content (happy feels a bit too chipper here) to hear I accomplished my goal of sharing a glimpse into what many survivors go through on a daily basis.

        • Doggerel Dave

          Ah, I see… going to keep us in suspenders for a little longer… I have no problem with this; delayed gratification prolongs anticipation – half the fun….

        • Garth Rakumakoe

          Emotionally vivid. Written with such sober clarity. I felt it. Kudos, fellow writer.

          • HannahElisabeth

            Thank you for such kind words, they are much appreciated!

          • L. B. Mek

            and through all-things bleak
            and barbarically vile, that tried
            but mercifully, Failed
            to diminish the Beauty of your Bravery
            or the majesty, in your fight
            to imbue your Poetry
            with the purity of Goodness, you still Choose to embrace
            in your purpled Heart, despite
            the abundance of darkness and hurt, in your life...
            (it's a privilege to ready your Poetry
            and its an honour, to be a part of your existence, dear Poet
            keep believing,
            keep searching,
            keep healing!
            thank you, for choosing to share)

            • HannahElisabeth

              Thank you dearly, once again, for such kindness in your words. I cannot express my gratitude enough.

            • dusk arising

              Such drama! Really enjoyed this suspenseful sad tale. A story being told the world over for those lucky enough to have an escape path.

              Life can be so undeservedly cruel.

              • HannahElisabeth

                Thank you Dusk! I'm beyond grateful that I can write about such things in a much better place.

                I feel as though it's worth mentioning one of my favorite quotes from Mr. Rogers, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping". At the very least, that has been my fortunate experience.

              • SureshG

                That dreaded feeling, I pray is just a poetic license - for the horror of your words is truly jarring

              • Coyote

                Awesome write Hannah and congrats on finding a spoken word group.

              • spilleronsheet

                It felt surreal
                As if the scenes were happening in front
                You staged it so well

                • HannahElisabeth

                  Thank you so much for the compliment! I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment 🙂



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