burdened

sometimes i’m there again

and all i can hear is boots stomping up the stairwell and radio chatter

and my heart quickly begins to race with adrenaline
and my eyes begin to leak

sometimes it’s something stupid

the theme music to a childhood movie i played religiously

the blinding white lighting of a purgatory waiting room

the smell of dirty january sleet

sometimes i’m right back

and i can hear my own voice shaking and shouting in my head

and there’s an echo of police and ambulance sirens

and i’m hugging papa

and everything stops around me

it’s just me

and the long gap between me and her

it all feels infinite

sometimes, i am so burdened by this