Searching for Poison

melellendixon

In recent years, I've wondered why I cry

My loved ones only say my naiveté is sweet

And so at first, I gave them the blame 

Because at the time, all I needed was their love

But isolation left my flesh beat 

And hiding was my poison

 

When I eventually came into the light, I searched for new poison

Because even when I let my skin rest, I still seemed to cry

And then I feared hearing my own heart beat

So I'd reach for something sweet

And binging became my new love

My acts of gluttony only ended when my body turned into my blame

 

As I spilled out of my wardrobe, those who died took the blame

And the sudden way in which they left became my poison

For all I asked was one last day of their love

So I'd lay before their portraits and cry

Imagining them healing me, and whispering something sweet

That wouldn't leave my vision blood-soaked and beat

 

Somehow, this poison was yet another that I beat

And only God was left for me to blame 

So my attitude became bitter, hateful, anything but sweet 

And existentialism was my worst poison 

Like a fallen angel, I would desperately cry

Now absent of "His" comforting love

 

When flowers bloomed, I had nothing left to love

And all of my options had been beat

When I tried to discover why I cry

I was the only one to blame 

And I realized that all along, I was my own poison

A conclusion I found shockingly sweet 

 

The screaming thoughts in my head turned sweet 

And I learned it was myself who I had to love

And I no longer craved poison

And by my mind, I was no longer beat

So I stopped searching for something to blame 

And now I have no reason to cry

 

  • Author: melellendixon (Offline Offline)
  • Published: November 14th, 2021 23:05
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is a Sestina I wrote about my experience with grief, love, and personal growth.
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 16
  • User favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek.
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Comments2

  • L. B. Mek

    'When I eventually
    came into the light, I searched
    for new poison, Because
    even, when I let my skin rest
    I still, seemed to cry

    And then
    I feared, hearing my own
    heart beat
    So I'd reach, for something sweet

    And binging, became
    my new love
    My acts of gluttony, only ended when my body
    turned, into my blame

    As I spilled
    out of my wardrobe those who died, took
    the blame
    And the sudden way, in which
    they left, became
    my poison'..
    (please
    forgive, my rude
    rearranging of your lines
    I just wanted to showcase
    your rhythm and flow, and share
    how your poetry, spoke
    to me)
    you truly have an earnest, poetic voice
    and talent
    worth cultivating, even
    if just for yourself, devoid
    of any literary ambition;
    I'm only saying this, just in case
    in this cruel world
    those, more meaningful people
    in your life
    haven't bothered, to make you aware
    of this simple Truth, about yourself..
    (thank you! for choosing to share
    I laud, the care you've imbued into this polished write
    with each meaningful reread and edit
    you've adorned it with:
    a Great write!
    'in my humble opinion')

    • melellendixon

      Thank you so much!! This made my day. Best wishes to you!

    • dusk arising

      Such a well woven tale with a truly worthwhile message contained therein. Would that all those full of self doubt could read your words today and feel them instill a path to self assurance, the elixer.

      • melellendixon

        Thank you so much 🙂 I'm glad it means something!



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