Anymore

I do not know if I am allowed to be angry anymore

Or if the statute of limitations is up and you are a free man

 

Now that I am done with being angry at myself for allowing it

Now that I am tired of being impatient with my healing

 

I am angry at you

 

I used to blame myself, because I had to of known what I was doing

When it was you that was supposed to know

Not to mess with thirteen year old girls when you’re a grown man

You knew I would have to grow up with what you have done to me weighing me down

Because I never knew, at thirteen, I would be eighteen still battling with the fact that

I had to endure so much more than I deserved, way too early

And it has tangled my mindset, a knot I will have to be undoing for years to come

 

Now I am closer to the age you were, than the age I was

This realization feels as though another reason to hate you

You do not deserve forgiveness

Or to go without consequences like I once believed those years ago

 

I can start over

But you never should be able to

It should permanently change your life, like you might have done to mine

These two words do not even begin to sum up how I feel, but I would still like to tell you them

Because I am entitled to this anger, this hatred I have inside

And in a naive hope my wound will close and I can heal properly,

Here they are

Fuck

You

 

t.b.