To My Rapist...{What You Took From Me...}

jaimeleigh

Oh yes I remember that day 16th of March 1994 very well...

It was the worst night from hell...

I remember it all only to well...

Even that date never leaves, It sticks in my mind, & still rings years after year, time after time as loud as it did the very first time...

You would have thought more than thirty years on, It wouldn't affect me as much  as that damming night...?

But it does very much so, It affects me in ways that you wouldn't care to know...

You changed my lifestyle & my adolescence care free ways...

You took everything from me that fucking day...

You turned me into a scared, lost, distrustful, paranoid awful mess...

For years I couldn't go out alone, didn't sleep properly at night... 

I wouldn't even wear a skirt because it didn't feel right because of the things you said to me that night...

For so long every man was my enemy...

Sex become something that was wrong & dirty... 

I couldn't even get a little bit flirty because your face I couldn't erase...

Every tender loving moment I should've been able to embrace was filled with nothing but the flashbacks of what you done to me...

Even now it's you I sometimes see...

Getting eight years sentence wasn't quite enough for me...

Left me feeling angry & numb...

With no trust for nobody, no one...

Even at forty-five what you did affects me... 

But at least I'm still here is what people would say... 

They didn't have a clue what it took for me to get away from you the day you kidnapped me...

And I would have died if you hadn't got found guilty at the old Bailey that day...

Even though I think you got of lightly for the damage you done...

At least I knew you couldn't come for me like you swore you was gonna do...

Or hurt anybody else, that much was true & worth it for me...

In silence I struggled on to pick myself back up from the curb you dropped & left me in...

I paid dearly for your sins...

Never to return to who I was... 

I had to learn to accept that I had to start from the beginning again... 

To appreciate, like, care & try to love myself & trust again...

So in writing this I wanted it known you took a lot from me... 

& still do in far less ways than you use to... 

But you didn't win & you've never won... 

I've put back together what you truly took... 

My scars I wear them well... 

And as for you I hope you rot in hell...

But I forgive you as well...

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Comments5

  • ProfessionalPaperDigester

    Damn, cant say I'm an experienced rape victim but I can imagine it through your words alone. Cheers to whoever your with now, and hoping it goes well, for the both of you.

    • jaimeleigh

      Thank you so much for your comment

    • Paul Bell

      Always think forgiveness is a powerful thing to do, but revenge is more permanent.

      • jaimeleigh

        Very true. Thank you

      • L. B. Mek

        wow
        more power to you, sing your Truth!
        thank you, for choosing to share..
        (and however empty these words read
        I'm so sorry for the pain you had to endure
        but, I am proud
        to see you've not only survived
        but found your way to thrive, in life)

        • jaimeleigh

          Thank you so much

        • Rozina

          I really admire your courage to share your story here. Your strength is amazing. Thank you for sharing.

        • Rocky Lagou

          Wow this was a heavy piece to process. I can't even begin to imagine the trauma that will arise from such an experience. I hope your well now! 💖



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