Life is like a train
A train that never stops until it hits his finish point
Rushing through a beautiful landscape
Sometimes the days last longer than other days
A day without a night
And sometimes days with only nights, what mostly happens in a row
Some places are nicer to be left aside
And some places you want it to be forever
But the train can't stop driving
Only if you push the stop button or are at the end point
Every train has it's own history
A past that never can be forgotten
A future that is has to go
That makes every train so unique
There are lights in the train
A lot of them
It shines if they are left on in the night
But sometimes it stays dark
Reasons are different
The lights are broken
The lights don't turn on
Or you want it to stay off
It can be dangerous if nobody sees the train
Especially for the train itself
Trains are blessings and beautiful to watch
Even in the night
It helps people even if you don't think about it
A tool to see the whole world
Without it a lot less
Please let it shine
Move forward to the brighter places and forget the awful places
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Author:
Black hole (
Offline) - Published: January 20th, 2022 19:18
- Comment from author about the poem: Feedback is always welcome🙃
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 9
Offline)
Comments1
this is wonderful, but perhaps there's an opportunity
to use poetry form or flow
to help cement your train metaphor, in place
of repeating the word itself (train)
like maybe using repetitive onomatopoeic words
to tap into relatable train sounds
like those metal on metal, 'clickety-clack'
or those woosh chugging exhales, when doors open and close, etc
it may add a layer to your depiction,
(but what do I know, you write the way that suits you best!
these words are just my 2 cents)
thank you! for choosing to share
such a wonderful read..
(below
is my feeble attempt at using subtly linked word sounds
to replicate that train track, repetitive tone to your poetry's flow;
please, forgive me
if you find my rewording is rude
or just far from your intension for this poem
I promise, I meant no disrespect)
'Life is like a train, A train that rumbles-on
till it hits that finite stop,
Rushing through beautiful landscapes
Some days last longer, than those lost to nights
burrowing through our tunnels of regret,'
Thanks you so much for the feedback!
Because my English vocabulary it's sometimes difficult to use really specific words but i am gonna try to use some more of that kind of words.
Thank you
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